Please let my child be

DR RADICA MAHASE

PARENTING any child can be challenging at times. Parenting a child with special needs can be frustrating more times than one might think is possible. Nevertheless good, serious parents, who love their children, try to give them all the love and care they need to grow up to be decent adults. In the case of parents of children with special needs, this includes getting others to understand and accept their children as they are, in their own special world. These are some things that parents and caregivers want others to know about their special kids:

My child has feelings. More important than the fact that my child has special needs, is the fact that my child has feelings just like any other individual. Therefore when you stare at my child or speak about him or her badly in front of him/her, it hurts my child. If you won’t do it to a “normal” child then don’t do it to my special needs child.

I know what’s best for my child. I really know my child. I understand my child’s moods and behaviour and I can tell when he or she is having a good or bad day. Even if my child does not communicate verbally, I understand my child. Every gesture and every sound mean something to me. Therefore, please do not try to tell me what my child needs/wants and what I should or should not do with my child. I am the person who spends the most time with my child and I have learnt to read his/her moods and respond in the best way possible. Don’t compare my child with other children. Every child is different so please let my child be the unique, little person he or she is. Don’t keep telling me that Alice’s sister’s daughter’s son is already a physic genius at age six and that my son is also supposed to be training to win the Nobel Prize in Physics. The point is, my child will learn at his/her own pace. My child will speak at his/her own pace. Some things might take longer and come later for my child but at the end of the day, I celebrate every single accomplishment and every milestone and I am happy and proud of my child.

A label does not define my child. Yes, my child might be diagnosed with autism but that doesn’t automatically translate into hopeless and worthless. My child is just different, unique and special and should be treated with respect and kindness like any other children. Labels are there to help me get the care that my child needs but they do not mean that my child will not be able to accomplish anything in life or contribute to society in a meaningful way.

“Bad behaviour” is not always bad behaviour. If you see my child “behaving badly” please don’t assume that my child is harden and spoilt. It simply means that something has triggered my child and he or she is just having a tough day. My child is not deliberately giving me a rough time but he/she is having a rough time and just needs some time and space to settle down.

My child deserves a space in society. In fact, there is place for all of us in society. There is no need to keep your child far away from my child in the play park or avoid my child in any way. I can guarantee you that autism is not contagious. One we recognise everyone’s uniqueness we can embrace their individuality and share a common space.

My child is very much like other children. My child wants to make friends and play and have fun too. My child wants to learn new things and do fun activities. At the end of the day, my child is just a child who wants to do things and the same way you want the best for your child, I want the best for my child.

Sometimes my family just needs a little bit of understanding. Yes, I have a child with special needs and yes, things can be tough. However, I don’t need sympathy, criticism or negativity. Every so often my family and I may need a few kind words but mostly we just need you to understand, accept and accommodate those with special needs.

Dr Radica Mahase is founder/director, Support Autism T&T