Survivor Cindy Knowles's breast cancer battle

Cheryl Metivier

WITH every cancer survival story told, there are usually common themes of fear, anxiety, anger, panic even though many of them end in triumph.

Cindy Knowles's story is no different.

The Flow Trinidad accountant is a mother, sister, daughter, friend and aunt, and was willing to share her survival story with WMN in the hope that even one aspect of what she experienced will resonate with another woman who is somewhere on the trajectory that she has traversed.

“I wish I could be a stronger advocate, and I wish that in our homes, schools and churches, we spoke more about these illnesses,” Knowles said.

As is the case with many women who get breast cancer diagnosis, the element of shock is always present, followed quickly by denial – questioning the medical practitioner, the veracity of the results being presented, whatever it takes to delay confronting the painful and intimidating reality.

Knowles vividly remembers the day that she visited her doctor after observing that the physical appearance of her breasts was changing. This visit came after weeks of trying to convince herself that there was nothing to worry about. She said the abnormal appearance escalated quite quickly and it didn’t take the doctor too long to posit a possible cancer diagnosis.

“He immediately said the word 'cancer,’” and denial kicked in.

“I refused to believe him. I returned to my car crying; I told myself, 'he can’t be right.'”

On that same day he referred her to a colleague, and she promptly made her way there, accompanied by her mother and her only daughter. Her interaction with that doctor left her somewhat comforted.

“You doh have nothing to be concerned about man, many women experience this, it’s like an infected cyst in your breast,” which was not malignant.

Over the next couple of months she would visit the doctor weekly to drain the "abscess." Each time the fluid and the adjoining tissue, would be tested, and the results showed that there were no cancer cells present.

“The doctor eventually suggested that we should do a ‘minor procedure’ to remove the cyst.”

In April 2022 the cyst was surgically removed, and tested for cancer cells, as the doctor surmised that the tissue looked like it could be cancerous. And she was back on that roller-coaster again.

“I was referred for a CT scan to confirm the presence of the cancer cells,” which was followed by a series of referrals and consultations with various medical specialists; each stage bringing increasing levels of anxiety with it, with evaluations of my situation switching between cancer this time, no cancer the next.

"I remember constantly wondering, 'is this my final diagnosis? I’m not even 40 yet, why am I going through this?'”

Consecutive tests eventually confirmed what had been apparent with the initial biopsies – she had breast cancer.

She and her doctors came up with a medical plan, beginning with chemotherapy, followed by surgery and radiation.

Based on genetic and other testing, her medical team advised against a full mastectomy because they were satisfied that they could have successfully removed the mass without the possibility of spread. She then did six months of chemo. In the first three months she had sessions every three weeks, and managed to continue working during this time, even though the side effects of many of the medication left her weak and nauseous. The next three months required weekly visits and a different battery of medication, which left her so weak that it felt like she only had enough strength to fight the cancer.

“I don’t really have the words to describe how awful that was.”

Part of her 40th birthday celebration was spent doing a round of chemo, during which the medical team appeared singing "Happy Birthday." The cake followed some time later.

She was then scheduled for five days of radiation, which left her extremely fatigued and in pain, with skin discolouration in the areas where the laser beam was administered. The physical discomfort after the radiation lasted for several weeks.

But Knowles said it was during those difficult times that she discovered the importance of a strong mind and learned to appreciate the importance of faith. She recalled, “If on a particular day I entered the session with the mindset that, 'This is going to be awful,' it literally was; whereas, if I took the position that, 'This is just another appointment, this is just another blood test, just another treatment session,' I would somehow get through it.”

She said movies about cancer usually address obvious things like the hair loss, the nausea and the physical exhaustion, but leaves out the smaller details like no eyebrows, no lashes and other ensuing challenges.

"(But) you look at it with different eyes when you’re going through it. Nobody spoke about things like the mouth blisters,” and the early onset of menopause.

Knowles had lost her father to lung cancer in August 2016, which was a traumatising experience for her. She said the tremendous strength her own daughter demonstrated throughout her treatment has helped her to dig deep and be deliberate about how she responds to the challenges that she has faced. Her entire support system – her partner, mother, brother and sister in law, team at work and beyond that – have all been her rock throughout it. She has also been inspired by her two maternal aunts who are also cancer survivors.

She said the physical rigours of the entire cancer treatment regimen, the emotional whirlwind of navigating all of these issues in the midst of the covid19 pandemic, not being able to give proper support to her daughter in her academic journey all took its toll. And even with all that, the universe threw her another curve ball – she contracted covid19, twice!

Knowles has been cancer-free for two and a half years and said she cannot thank everyone who was a part of her recovery process enough. Her only daughter, she said, is her hero, having stepped up and steered herself through her CSEC exams.

Knowles has since made some significant lifestyle changes to her diet and fitness routine, and now makes deliberate choices.

“I am quite a different person now. I am kinder to myself and others...

"I drink 1.5 litres of water every day," and she eats well.

Knowles will be undergoing reconstructive surgery later this year, and she is nervous about the decision because of all the uncertainty that has defined her struggle and changed her in many ways – from someone who always had to be in control, to learning to live in the moment; to be present.