Addressing modern misogyny

CERONNE BAYLEY

Dear AFETT,

I work in a misogynistic environment. Although I know that my work ethic is high and I can perform my duties well, I often feel undervalued and disrespected.

What should I do?

Dear reader,

My heart goes out to you. Any disdain or contempt for women, exhibited by any gender, has no place in the corridors of leadership and should be taken very seriously.

Let’s start by examining whether or not there is a likelihood that you may be right about your boss.

What is your boss doing or saying to make you think this way?

Misogyny is the hatred of, contempt for or prejudice against women or girls.

While many may agree that misogyny is wrong, the behaviour associated with it is often treated quite casually and remarks or actions that reveal such biases are simply dismissed as harmless. However, if we pay attention, we will be in a better position to discern it and save ourselves, and hopefully others, from a great deal of pain.

People will very rarely openly exclaim: "I don’t like women…never have and never will!"

So, if we are waiting for an open confession to be able to spot misogyny, we might end up waiting forever.

Toxic attitudes such as this are disguised and hidden beneath micro-aggressive statements that generally go unnoticed.

For example, does your boss disregard the opinions of females, by using dismissive language such as "As a female, it’s no surprise that you think that way."

Comments like these reveal a belief that all women form opinions based on the same cognitive processes.

It shows a lack of regard for and a dismissal of individual experiences that shape a woman’s mindset, which may have absolutely nothing to do with her gender.

Are unprompted comments, gestures or glances repeatedly made based on the physical appearance of females? This can be in the form of excessive compliments based on a woman’s body or clothing or even negative statements relating to a woman’s physical appearance.

If your superior is doing this, it could indicate a perception that women exist to cater to one’s baser, natural instincts.

Does your boss seek validation from males only? Carefully observe whose views your boss chooses to validate decisions.

When faced with a potential conflict or differing views, does he or she seek only male input to endorse decisions when there are women available with the qualifications, skills and experience to provide input? This is yet another red flag of misogyny.

Does your boss advocate for traditional gender roles by saying, "Women are not good leaders…too emotional" or "What is all this fuss about International Women’s Day? What about International Man’s Day?" Such statements are often said in jest, but if exhibited with other misogynistic traits, they can be an indication that your boss has a disdain for women.

Carefully weigh your options.

If you have noticed legitimate signs of misogyny, it’s important to understand that such attitudes can lead to more serious crimes such as sexual assault, stalking, sexual harassment or any other form of threatening or violent behaviour.

You should also be aware that your boss is not simply going to change. He or she (as misogyny knows no gender) has more than likely developed these deep-rooted biases against women over an extended period, usually as a result of unresolved trauma involving a woman that was trusted.

Many misogynists are not even aware that they are misogynistic and will flat-out deny it if confronted.

While you may want to share how the behaviour has affected you, intending to come to a mutual understanding, or you may be tempted to march into your boss’ office and give him or her a piece of your mind, you must weigh the costs. Chances are, sharing your views with such a person is not going to suddenly open their eyes and cause them to see the error of their ways.

In this regard, you may:

• Seek alternative employment in an environment worthy of your talent and skills. No job is worth your peace of mind.

• Report any instances of abuse. However, make sure that you are mentally, emotionally and spiritually prepared for this fight as there will most certainly be a counter-attack.

• Seek help. Whether you rely on your faith, therapy from a trained professional or both, you must begin the healing process as soon as possible as experiences such as these can rob you of your confidence and well-being very quickly.

A message to all women

As we continue to celebrate International Women’s Day 2025, I wish to leave all women with this message: Remember who you are.

Remember that you have value and a god given purpose that only you can deliver. All of your experiences, good and bad, facilitate this purpose and therefore must be embraced and used as stepping stones to higher heights.

Regretfully, misogynists exist and while we cannot control their behaviour, we can be held accountable for ours.

Many may say to you, "Tell them this" or "Tell them that." It is important to understand that sometimes, there is power in silence yet there is great power in standing up for yourself. Knowing when to speak and when to stay silent is wisdom.

So, as the modern misogynists set out to disrespect and belittle, you ought to set your mind, heart and intention to rise above every action of bias and disdain that’s meant to minimise you by causing you to think less of yourself and your capabilities. After all, the victory belongs to us.

Know the signs and character traits of misogyny, but do not cower nor be afraid to stand up, speak up and make it known that a misogynist’s thoughts, behaviour and negative connotations towards you as a woman are not, have not been and will never be a reflection of who you are and what you are capable of.

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