Dealing with loss in season of joy

THE EDITOR: 'Tis the season to be jolly. However, there are some among us who are dealing with the tragic loss of a loved one. And by that I don't only mean those who have had family or friends snatched from them by murder or accident.

In fact, even when someone passes after an illness or as a consequence of old age, those closest to him or her can't help but feel some element of pain at the loss.

It is instructive to note that Jesus himself wept before approaching the tomb of Lazarus, perhaps because he empathised with what Lazarus's sisters were experiencing.

Mourning is not just normal, it is necessary for cathartic healing of our psyche. It is evidence of, and gives tribute to, the great love we have for the person who has passed.

However, we have to be very careful to not allow grief to swamp us by its sheer volume or to master us in any way. Then it becomes damaging.

At Christmas it is particularly hard to lose somebody, while everyone else seems to be having such a good time by comparison.

Furthermore, though those in your circle will always be prepared to render support, you can sometimes convince yourself that people in general are likely to be more preoccupied by the hustle and bustle of the season.

The temptation in all this is just to sink into a funk in which you keep dwelling on the awfulness of the tragic event you have suffered. I implore you to please resist this temptation, through the grace of God.

The Bible says that there is a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance. In other words, weep and mourn when the need arises, but do not remain in that mode for longer than you should.

To begin with, ask yourself what is the best tribute you can pay to the loved one you have lost? Is it forever to be fixated on the moment of their passing, or isn't it more so to celebrate the many moments of their lives which you were privileged to share with them?

Gratitude and appreciation for what you had, for however long you had it, be it an hour, a day or a hundred years, trumps every iota of sadness you could ever muster.

When the season or the anniversary day itself rolls around each year, let life overshadow death and remember with joy what you had, more than with sorrow what you have lost.

Secondly, the more we sink into grief, the more we check out of life. We really don't have that option. God has chosen to spare and prolong our own lives, and each and every one of us has a purpose for still being alive.

You have, in your sphere, those who need you to be fully present and functioning on an optimal level for their well-being. You yourself have your own quota of accomplishments to uncover, your own blessings to receive, your own mountains to overcome, your own greatness to achieve.

It is incumbent upon you to maximise the gift of the life that you have been given, and to choose the fulfilment of God's will for you, instead of succumbing to grief. Escape for your life.

Finally, stop thinking of death as the ultimate tragedy and forever loss. You are simply parted from your loved one's sight, but perhaps, this is just for a season.

If you believe in God's saving power, and you stay the course with Him, you will likely see your loved one again, and, hopefully, even now he or she is alive and in His presence.

JOANNE K JOSEPH

San Fernando