Teaching teens value of commitment

Dr Asha Pemberton

teenehalth.tt@gmail.com

AMIDST THE prevailing local social media energy, in which some find humour and others horror, it is possible to pause and pivot, to discover a relevant and teachable moment. As they grow and evolve into young adults, adolescents need to learn and experience the value of commitment. This applies to their academic pursuits, extracurricular goals, relationships and self-management.

While some aspects of non-commitment are instant fodder for entertainment and scandal, the over-arching principle requires attention. Young people emulate and model the behaviours they see reflected in their homes and wider society. It is critically important that parents actively teach young people this important value as it applies to every aspect of their lives.

Teens are highly observant, even when they appear to be dismissive or even flatly antagonistic. Parents are required to lead by example. Pay attention to promises made and not fulfilled, or even simple goals that are not followed to conclusion.

When the adults in their lives consistently demonstrate that it is acceptable to be inconsistent, young people mirror the same. To this point, parents are encouraged not to articulate plans that they do not truly intend to complete. Take time to decide what is manageable in life and then set about the small consistent steps to execution.

Goal setting itself is a skill. Teens tend to have fanciful dreams of things that they would want to achieve but require structure to assist them define specific, achievable goals. When youth have a clear direction, success becomes more achievable. This also requires the grit of remaining focused on the goal even when times become challenging.

For most people, the temptation to give up or change the goal often wins. Those who are truly committed to their process develop and maintain the fortitude to continue, even when uncomfortable.

Commitment in relationships is perhaps the concept that most readily comes to mind when the term is used. While romantic interactions tend to dominate our minds, commitment in friendships and within family dynamics is just as or even more important. In fact, these are the foundations of the ability to commit in longer-term relationships of another nature.

Young people often want to enjoy the experience of good friendship without recognising that it is an active and bilateral process. In order to facilitate healthy friendships, young people need to learn to stay true to their word, to show up for friends and their goals and needs, even if distinct from theirs, and to be there for others when needed.

This translates into other contexts as they grow, but the fundamental principles remain the same. Commitment is an active decision that includes loyalty, focus and avoidance of distractions.

The backbone to learning this important value is accountability. Without the guidance and support of someone, most people will stray from the intended path and make excuses for the diversion. In a world where options of everything are literally everywhere, it is even more important for the next generation of adults to be able to learn to commit and stay true to their goals and decisions.

While our online space is always full of content through which we can be lightly entertained, these teachable moments are all around. Take a moment to have open conversations with teens and young adults about commitment, in any aspect of their life, toward a future oriented around tenacity and success.