Violence anywhere, everywhere

WE ARE in a deep crisis rooted in our current ideal of dominant and violent masculinity. This is not an attack on individual men. It does not mean that all men and boys are invested in this ideal. Rather, it is a naming of the gendered ideas around which our society is organised, and their impact on both men and girls and women.

It is not that men are born bad. Far from it, they are born as human beings capable of being caring and investing in gender, sexual and socio-economic justice. Dominant and violent forms of masculinity nonetheless teach what is normative, valorised, and constitutive of manhood itself, but it is not who men are meant to be.

As is well established, gang violence is a form of gender-based violence principally enacted by and among subordinated men, and it is exacerbated by and expressed through masculine ideals which harm men, both those murdered and those dehumanised as killers. Citizens are living in panic because of robberies and shootings overwhelmingly perpetrated by men. Men fear other men just as boys mainly fear other boys.

On the other hand, there is also a resilient bro code that keeps the rules of (heteronormative) masculine power and the men who abide by it safe, and there is trust, family, and friendship among men who know each other and form in-groups of love and loyalty.

Therefore, it isn’t that men fear all other men, they fear possible violence that can be perpetrated by any other man. Similarly, for women, it is not that all men are a threat and it is not that there are not many or a majority of good men, but that any man could be a threat to girls and women and that enough men perpetrate harm that to be a girl or woman living in the world is to live under the constant threat of male violence anywhere and everywhere.

We want men to do the hard groundwork of stopping this among their brothers, for the sake of their sons and other boys who could be victims of bullying or another shooting statistic or just want a more peaceful world, and for the sake of their daughters and other women whose lives are constantly disturbed by a desperate urgency to transform patriarchal masculine ideals.

To understand the world in which women live, you must really listen, not go on TikTok to aggressively attack women’s words. Ask whether you really understand why women feel the way they do. And, if you don’t understand, what is it you are not hearing?

Between October 7 and 12, men were so physically violent to five women whom they knew that they allegedly killed three women and one baby girl. In one case, an ex-partner reportedly broke down a woman’s door, stabbed her multiple times and kidnapped her son. In her interview, she reported her ordeal saying, “…he asked, ‘How do you want this to go? Do you want me to kill you and your son? Should I kill your son in front of you and make you watch, then kill you?’”

A few nights ago, one woman that I know was at a cinema in the East when she turned to see a man watching her during the movie, and masturbating. She was walking around the Queen's Park Savannah for exercise a few mornings later when she was attacked by a man and had to fight him off. Another man who helped her afterwards said he encounters women every week who are attacked. As she walked toward her car, glad to have survived, a man called to her and he too was masturbating. Everyday partner and non-partner violence.

Sexual, physical and lethal. Not just once and not just from one man. At home and in public. All this, just this week.

Imagine if other girls and women told us their stories.

We call for an end to misogyny that blames women for men’s impunity. We expect those with a platform to believe and echo women’s words about their realities. We call for better policing, consistent response to protection orders, enforcement of consequences for their breaches, and involvement of child protection services. We call for national prevention strategies that are effective. We want girls and women to matter.

This nasty and brutish state is an example of women’s unequal citizenship. It is a dire violation of women’s basic rights. Anywhere and everywhere, we never know if we will make it through each week alive.

Diary of a mothering worker motheringworker@gmail.com
Entry 543