A parental manual guided by pandemic

I wish motherhood came with a manual.

No, not parenting tips, but an actual tried and true, fool proof DIY book on how to master the skills of being a mother of many and grandmother of one.

I am the proud mother of seven and "granny" to a precocious two-year-old baby girl. Two are young adults, while five still attend school at pre school, primary and secondary levels.

If I didn't say it before and if I have never said it, I tip my hat off to educators and teachers who put up with our broods for at least seven hours a day, five days a week, without hurting any of them.

No, I don't rely on corporal punishment or subscribe to "licks" to keep children in line, but I do feel the urgings to pull out ah belt every now and again and more so now during this covid19 pandemic, which has caused the closure of our schools.

For years, I have toyed with the idea of home schooling, particularly, every time the bus didn't show or my children returned, got home late because of travel woes. I quickly squelched the thought because I didn't think I was qualified or had the patience to teach them.

Now I am forced to develop both at home tutoring skills and patience far greater than Job could fathom.

I have had out of body experiences, where I saw myself flying off the handle, when sibling rivalry raises its ugly head or when my children decide to "test" me.

However, I wouldn't trade the quality time we are having now for anything in the world.

We are bonding in ways I never thought we would, healing from ordeals I never thought we could and learning each other as we go along.

My children grew up in a home strife with domestic violence, and while they were not necessarily physically abused, they were left psychologically scarred.

Abuse and domestic violence robs one of peace and peace of mind. It's offers absolutely no environment for children to learn or simply to just grow. My eldest children barely got to reach their fullest potential, even though they valiantly tried, as a result of the dysfunction they grew up in.

I thank God now their overall environment is conducive to learning and flourishing.

Last night, while in the midst of a fierce game of Snakes and Ladders, with the winners gaining a bounty of snacks, I asked my children what had stopped us from doing just that before?

"You," answered my brave 18-year-old daughter.

We now do marathon movie nights and bake lots.

It took this virus for me to realise that while I invested almost all my time, both working and free, into earning an income to provide for them and just surviving, I was losing my maternal connection with them

As for teaching them during this pandemic, I got an F for failure to even start.

I am presently working on at least earning a B+ by next month.

Initially, I have to admit, I was defeated and more than a little scared.

I had no idea where or how to start and kept putting off starting "school" with them.

If I had a journal three weeks ago, it would start like this..."We have only just begun and I am already frustrated".

Thank God the schools have begun sending work and the Ministry of Education is seeking to equip children with no or limited access to the internet and devices from which to work.

I am far from mastering the concept of the routine of an actual classroom, but I am earnestly trying.

I too have learnt a lot during this period of "stay at home" with my children.

I have come to see that they all have their own personalities and that I have to listen more and quarrel less. That silence doesn't mean consent or agreement with or for them.

That they see disappointments and failures different from us adults.

That the spoken word can truly hurt even more than a lash can, but that discipline should be equal to the deed committed.

And most certainly, I have learnt that the parenting of yesteryear simply cannot be applied, broadly to the children or students of today.

I grew up under the "Licks to Learn" schooling and while it helped me, it left me jaded and hating the multiplication tables.

My mom, Sandra Claudette Shears, while being mostly self taught, believed in going the extra mile. She didn't just teach us the "times tables" the traditional way. Oh no, she had us learn the division tables as well, all the way up to the "15 times tables".

For one the youth of today is more confident in their self, they stand up and speak out. This can be seen as both self confidence or disrespectful. It all depends on how it is delivered.

In my time, daring to speak out against the action of any adult, unless blatantly inappropriate, was considered rude.

I grew up in an era when the village raised the child, so my neighbours and almost every adult, were by extension my family and to be respected at all time, no matter what.

We were taught that our parents, namely mothers, sought justice for us if we felt disadvantaged or slighted, especially by another adult.

It was taboo to even dare to think about "answering back" any adult, even if only in defence.

Now children will openly speak out against double standards and any topic they feel is unfair to them.

Parents need to do a lot more listening and not be too quick to shut down what children and teens are saying, simply because you are the adult.

I have opted to listen a lot.

Listen to their suggestions, learn from them, while applying the teachings of the Bible (spare the rod and spoil the child) only when or if i have to. I choose not to make "licks" my first resort, but rather my very last.

Maybe there are parents that will call me foolish, but this method has worked while we are at home, staying inside and staying safe.

I have opted to never create an environment prone to violence, particularly as this is what they had initially known, but rather to apply appropriate discipline when I have to and coat everything I do in love.

Happy Mother's Day to all mothers, mothers to be and natural born nurturers, from our home to yours!