Advocating against abuse

VALDEEN SHEARS

The self-assured, poised woman who adeptly measured her client, all the while maintaining a neutral conversation with her, is a far cry from the naive 19-year-old who held on to love – even though it was unhealthy and abusive.

Sally Khan, a powerhouse of a woman, mother, wife and fashion designer, said her years of abuse were the catalyst for her keen ambition.

Khan, originally from Marabella, said her clients come from all walks of life, including local celebrities and from the political arena.

She also puts pen to paper and writes to the editors of several publications, advocating against violence and abuse. Khan, 51, has also been known for capitalising on social media to champion her drive to raise awareness and fight against abuse and the stigma of clinical depression.

Getting to this point, though, was no easy feat for the San Fernando resident, who grew up in poverty, after her father left her mother to fend for her and her six brothers and sisters. Khan was only five when he left, and can only remember him being abusive to their mother.

With very little education, she watched her mother struggle to educate her brothers and sisters by selling homegrown vegetables. Khan, the last of the siblings, dropped out of school in form four, to help her ailing mother.

She decided then and there she had to have a Plan B.

She took up sewing as a hobby, to break up the monotony of being at home, rather than at school.

Then she was sidetracked from her calling as a designer.

For five years she endured, physical abuse, ridicule, belittling and public embarrassment at the hands of a man she once loved.

Even, though her scars run deep and are more psychological than physical, speaking out after many years of silence is a gift to her niece Ariana Goberdhan, who was stabbed to death by her spouse in Canada in April 2016.

"We were close. I held her in my arms from since she was two years old. We would stay with them whenever we visited Canada. She had come to Trinidad a couple years ago to get away from him.

"She went back home, and that was the last time we spoke.

"This is one of the reasons I started back advocating. She was murdered in April 2016 at their home. That tore at my insides, but it re-awoke the fight in me to let women know they are not at fault. She was only 26 years old, and nine months pregnant."

Khan, the mother of one, knows how to channel pain into creativity and used this as her own therapy for years, while dealing with clinical depression.

At first she said, several family members were adamant that she should not speak out about depression. But with time, she said, they have come to recognize there is no stigma or shame in depression or being a survivor of domestic violence.

Then her mother died at 55 and at her funeral, while wiping away her tears, Khan made a solemn promise, to walk away from her abuser.

After five years of enduring whatever was meted out to her at the hands of her abuser, Khan left.

But she lived in fear of walking the street in front her family's home, as he lived obliquely opposite. She recalled her four brothers' reaction when she told them of the abuse and their vow to defend her if he tried to intimidate or threatened her in any way. To this day one of her brothers remains her watchdog.

It was at this time that Khan also recognized that her gift with a needle and thread was never going to come from the pages of any book. She believes it is a gift from God.

She also believes that God gifted her with her husband of 25 years, Fareez Khan, whom she met a mere three days after fleeing her abuser. Not long after, the couple had their daughter, Amaara, now 23, whom Khan calls "my rock."

After years of sitting on her talent, Khan begun sewing in earnest and marketing her clean, professional cuts, which eventually caught the eyes of MPs and local celebrities.

She markets her work solely through referrals. Khan also offers a space for fittings and collections, as well as accommodates clients who request she visit them and/or deliver.

As for being in the fashion industry limelight and her thoughts of women lending their voice to a cause, Khan stressed: "Utilise whatever forum you have or can. Speak out against what you know to be wrong. There is absolutely no shame in having been a victim."

That's why she gladly said yes to the T&T Coalition Against Domestic Violence, when it asked her to participate in a video, Triumph over Trauma. A three-part series, it was launched on Facebook, during the recent UN-driven 16 days of activism against violence against women and girls. It now runs several times daily on TV6 and showcases Khan and four other survivors of domestic violence and abuse.

In the video, Khan shares her ordeal and recalled being punched because she had dared to speak with another man in her abuser's presence. She also recalled being suicidal.

"Tell someone. Talk to someone. There is nothing to feel ashamed about. The abuser makes you feel it's your fault. It is not! They are the ones that are sick," she said vehemently.