Parents and self-care: A critical element of adolescent health

Parents often put the needs of their children, tweens and teens before their own.

Many even consider this to be the expected martyrdom of parenthood and boast about it. In reality, doing so continuously and without respite does a disservice to young people.

Parents who actively and consistently practise taking care of themselves demonstrate that there are healthy ways to manage the oscillations of life, which also includes ensuring personal wellbeing.

In addition, parent self-care provides opportunities for powerful teachable moments, through which young people can learn techniques toward their holistic well-being.

Our current global culture places excessive value on being overworked and always busy. As a result the expected “standard” for parents has never been higher.

For many, it feels as if, the more you do, the more extensive the sacrifices and the less you are available (because of your busyness) the better it is for your family.

Too many parents are buying into the false idea that doing things for yourself means not doing enough for your teens or that the time is better spent in a pursuit of working or a side hustle. This is simply not true.

The very best investment that parents can make into the lives of their adolescents, is quality time spent with them and for themselves. Resilient parents raise resilient teens. Self-care is not a selfish act, but a strategic act of good parenting.

Young people are attuned to the impact exhaustion, tension, and crankiness have on their parents. Many would prefer their mothers and fathers to take a step back. This has been supported by literature globally, in which young people report feelings of worry, despair and concern over long working hours, levels of fatigue and even declining health.

Parents who are chronically stressed also have less emotional reserve. They are generally more aggressive in moments of parent-teen conflict leading to escalating arguments or even unintended violence. Also, some are so fatigued that they are unable to meaningfully supervise young people, making them more vulnerable to the many opportunities for risk-taking and unhealthy exposures.

Overall, young people thrive when they have actively participating parents, with the sustenance to support them. Parental self-care is the only mechanism through which this is possible, as parents need to replenish themselves before they are able to support their adolescents.

The truth is, managing stress is the backbone of successful and strategic parenting. Understanding your stress level is something to be learned as part of that strategy. It is critical for all parents to accept that parenting, itself has demands; and so those, in additional to working, household, relationship and other responsibilities, simply all add up.

As a counter, parents need to equally create time to do things for themselves on a daily basis. Whether it is going to the gym or for a walk to decompress. Listening to music softy (or loudly) on your own. A morning routine of silence, reading or solitude.

Commitment to pursue a favourite hobby or spend quiet time reading a book. By carving out this mood-elevating time, even for a few moments, there are benefits to well-being. In addition, taking time to be proactive about health is important. Schedule visits to have screening tests and check-ups done. Be mindful about eating habits, weight management and general care. Young people notice all of these changes in their parents, and unless asked, often hide their concerns and fears.

What is for sure, if you directly ask young people, often more than anything else they want their parents to be happy and healthy.