Finding strength in vulnerability

Dionne Guischard

Director of Social Outreach, AFETT

Dear AFETT,

''You know how as women we tend to get in the habit of thinking that we need to be strong all the time? That's where I'm at. I have been dealing with some things in my home and my life that I'd rather not disclose. I know that I need support but I am not sure where to turn. Can you shed some light to help get me through this period of darkness?" – Superwoman

Dear Superwoman,

Thank you for reaching out with such honesty.

You’re absolutely right – as women, we often put a lot of pressure on ourselves always to appear strong and in control. We tell ourselves we should be able to handle everything at work, in our relationships and managing personal challenges. We feel like we need to be “superwomen,” juggling it all without ever missing a beat.

However, it’s important to remember that even superheroes need rest – and it’s okay to hang up your cape sometimes.

It sounds like you’re going through a difficult time, and I want you to know that it’s natural to need support. Many women face a lot of tough challenges that can make reaching out feel overwhelming.

Whether it’s juggling work, family or the pressure to meet expectations, it can really weigh on us.

For some, issues like gender-based violence add another layer of complexity.

There are times in life when the challenges we face feel especially heavy. In those times, it’s okay to reach out and it’s okay to take things one step at a time.

You’re already showing remarkable courage by sharing that you need help. So let’s explore a few options together.

Seek professional support

Superwomen don’t need professional counselling support, right?

Wrong. Therapy can be a great resource when dealing with tough emotions.

The reality is that friends and family often don’t have the knowledge or skills required to help us navigate certain complex situations, but a trained therapist can offer a safe space to talk about whatever’s on your mind, even if you’re not ready to share every detail.

Therapy isn’t just for people in crisis; it’s for anyone who wants to process feelings, understand themselves better or simply have someone to talk to.

If you’re not sure where to start and your workplace has an Employee Assistance Programme, start there.

Alternatively, the TTAssociation of Psychologists and the Ministry of Health have comprehensive directories of mental health providers on their websites.

Lean on trusted friends or family

Who’s in your circle of support, Superwoman?

Usually, you’re in everyone else's circle, helping them with their problems. but you might hesitate to burden others with your own.

It’s a common feeling among women. We often take on the role of the caregiver or the strong one, believing we should handle everything ourselves.

Here’s the truth: true friends and family want to be there for you, just as you are for them, but they may not know how unless we let them in a little.

You don’t have to go into every detail if you’re not comfortable, but sometimes just saying, “I’m going through a tough time and could use some support” can make a big difference.

Build your support network

The thing I love most about the Avengers movies is that as heroes, we are strong alone, but we are even stronger together. The Avengers lean on each other and on the agency SHIELD for the resources and support they need.

In situations like yours, organisations like AFETT and other women-focused groups can provide valuable resources and a sense of community.

While AFETT doesn’t have its own support group, there are plenty of local organisations that create safe spaces where women can connect and share experiences, particularly around issues like gender-based violence.

These connections can make tough times feel a bit lighter and remind you that you’re not alone in your struggles.

Give yourself permission to pause

Superwoman, repeat after me: “It’s okay to pause and prioritise my well-being”.

Reconnecting with yourself and finding small moments of peace can be one of the most important thing you do for yourself.

The reality is that the more you put off prioritising you, the grimmer your challenging situation feels. Pausing and prioritising yourself doesn’t have to be extravagant – it can mean taking a walk, journalling, listening to music or simply giving yourself a few moments of quiet. These small acts of kindness toward yourself can help create a sense of stability, even when life feels overwhelming.

You don’t need to have it all figured out right now. Healing is a journey filled with ups and downs and it’s okay to take it one day at a time. Seeking support is not just brave – it’s essential, and there are people and resources available to walk alongside you on this journey.