Parental involvement to deal with bullying

Dr Asha Pemberton

teenhealth.tt@gmail.com

WHILE we collectively try to heal from the recent headlines that revolve around the loss and trauma associated with bullying, it is important for parents to learn discreet strategies to counter this form of violence.

Parental acknowledgement and involvement play integral functions in both bullying preventions and interventions. Despite the push-and-pull of adolescence, parents are encouraged to remain active and present in the lives of tweens and teens. It is only through action that they are able to recognise, support and assist young people. Both those who perpetrate bullying and those affected by it require management.

Parents generally avoid or disbelieve accusations regarding the actions of their children.

Unless they are faced with direct evidence or witness episodes, the tendency to trivialise or even ignore is an unfortunate reality. Parents who emphasise communication with their tweens and teens, and make the time to be mindfully present during their interactions and social lives are more likely to recognise abnormal patterns of behaviour.

In addition, through quality parent-teen relationships, young people are more likely to disclose experiences of trauma or bullying.

Parents are also required to consistently model appropriate behaviour.

Indeed, children and teens who act out this form of behaviour often see it, or have experienced it through the actions of others. In the family context, parents do not always recognise that bullying can occur between siblings, cousins, elder relatives and grandparents.

While there is a cultural tendency to group such actions as “family things,” any actions which create a power disparity between two people for the specific purpose of ridicule, physical punishment or humiliation, is bullying. Even when humour is used as a thinly veiled shield.

Technology is another space through which parental involvement, guidance and oversight are critical.

This current generation of youth live their lives often more online than in reality. Although sometimes difficult to penetrate and understand, acts of bullying are played out through conversations, texts, exclusion from online gaming or even through the use of gaming avatars and characters.

It is complex yet needs to be understood.

During later childhood and early adolescence, parents are required to remain connected to the online lives of their children – despite their resistance. There needs to be awareness of who children interact with online, in what capacity and the dynamics at play.

Young people feel far more empowered to say and do things online than in person. Due to the fact that the online space is their preferred zone, many acts of bullying are carried out secretly yet in plain sight of parents.

Perhaps the most critical aspect of managing bullying is parental acceptance and willingness to intervene. This applies to either side of the action.

Young people who are bullied often feel isolated or ashamed. Active parental involvement provides emotional support, reminding the child that they are not alone and that their experiences are valid.

Without adding aggression to the context, parents are encouraged to engage dialogue with other parents, schools, clubs or other relevant adults to understand the full context of the action towards swift support and resolution. Experiences of this form of violence should not be accepted as “part of growing up.”

Indeed the long term consequences of these actions can be ongoing trauma, low self-esteem and a spiral of risk-taking behaviours. Referral and engagement with professional mental health services can make all the difference toward building the resilience and coping skills for those affected and conversely addressing the underlying behaviours that lead to those who perpetrate.

Both contexts require intervention. While we continue discourse on this ever present issue, let us move toward creating and sustaining effective and relevant strategies that can be used by parents. In this way, children can be afforded safety, security and the ability to live their lives to optimal potential.