Dealing with bullying in school

THE EDITOR: It broke my heart to read the tragic result of bullying in the case of Jayden Lalchan. Here was a promising young man excelling at academics and heading towards making a positive contribution to our society, and he was hounded and bullied because of learned hatred.

As someone who has a relative who was bullied relentlessly by students and teachers in primary school, I can only begin to imagine the grief and loss that Jayden's parents are experiencing.

From the media reporting there are three issues which I want to address.

The first is the claim by the Minister of Education that the bullying only came to the attention of a teacher on September 17 in the form of a letter from Jayden. She stated further that there was no evidence of sustained bullying; this despite the fact that others have said that the bullying was ongoing and that teachers had to follow Jayden home to protect him.

Having retired from the public service after almost 30 years, I urge parents to remember this: In the public service (including schools) nothing exists unless it is in writing. You can make hundreds of verbal reports, but it only becomes official when you put it in writing. This is not the official policy, but it is the practice. As a representative of an RHA told me recently in a rare moment of honesty, a verbal report is just a concern, a complaint is in writing.

So, parents, please bear these points in mind:

* The first time your child reports any bullying, write a letter and take it to the school principal.

* A good idea is to have the school official sign your copy as having received the letter; they may resist doing this, so keep a record of when you delivered the letter to the school.

* Make it clear to the principal that you do not want your child and the bully being questioned together unless you and the other parents are present.

* Write a letter each time your child informs you of a bullying incident.

* If you have had to write two letters, it is time for you to write to the school supervisor and copy the letter to the Ministry of Education, preferably the chief education officer and the Minister of Education. Attach copies of the letters you sent previously to the school principal.

* Also send copies of your letters to your school’s PTA.

* When you write to the school supervisor, it is also time for you to make a police report. I found that sometimes the police were reluctant to become involved in school business, but stand your ground and insist that you are issued a receipt for the report.

* Continue documenting the details of the bullying and repeat all of the steps until you get resolution. Always keep a record of the dates and times of interactions with school officials and the details of the interactions.

I know that this seems like great effort, but your child’s mental health and physical safety may be at stake. You may be reluctant to persist for fear that your child may be victimised not only by the bully, but others; this is a real concern and any victimisation should be reported to the school supervisor in writing and the police.

From my experience, if the administration is reluctant to pursue the matter it may begin to gaslight parents by insinuating that they are over-protective or that the child is lying or manipulating the parents. They may even hint that the child has problems unrelated to bullying. If you know your child and believe them, do not let this deter you.

Parents, please stop talking to your children so much and begin listening to them more. It is the only way that you will know what is happening in their lives.

The second issue regards a school official who allegedly expressed concern for his safety when having to deal with a school bully whose father is allegedly well-known to the police.

This official has a valid fear. When the children of alleged well-known criminals attend your school, your life can be in danger if you have to employ serious options to manage the bad behaviour of those children. The Ministry of Education has to address this issue because no “discipline matrix” is going to protect the school officials nor the victims of those children’s bullying.

And finally, to all those religious leaders who have sought to spread hatred towards those people, including children: Shame on you.

TARA RAHAMUT

Chaguanas