Let it be, letters BC

THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY

BC PIRES

WHENEVER the world gets too ridiculous to take seriously, I cheer myself up by printing a few letters from the editor, an idea stolen from the 70s and 80s American National Lampoon satirical magazine. I certify these letters are 100 per cent authentic because I made them up myself.

Sir

Vot for they are attacking Russian Motherland, Fatherland, Brotherland, Sisterland but never no Fagg---land? I spit on girlie-boys! Joe Biden is sissy! Done-All Strump, this is quality puppets! I put my hand up his a-- every days for four years. This fake news that existing a country calling Ukraine is not being seriously. No Ukraine, only Lesser Greater Russia Countryside. This about protecting two brand new republics of Donestk-Clear-Checks-for-Vlad and You-Hand-Over-the-Cash-to-Vladimir P Rock ’n’ Roll! Meanings launch rocket bombs and roll of tanks into chickens Kyiv!

Vlad the God

22 Years of Absolute Power

Sir

If the election hadn’t been stolen from me, there would be no Ukraine crisis. Because I would have recognised the new independent People’s Republics of Whatever Vladimir Says. God, what a man. Very much like me, except not morbidly fat or devastatingly stupid or psychiatrist-dream insecure. And with some real hair.

Donald J for Jacka-- Trump

Now in Manahattan’s Best Penthouse

But Heading for New York State’s Worst Jailhouse

Sir

When I said that there were no covid regulation-breaking parties at No 10 Downing Street, what I meant was that there were no covid regulation-breaking parties with chocolate fudge busts of Sir Winston Churchill smoking a marzipan cigar. I think the Metropolitan Police will understand this important distinction perfectly.

Boris Johnson

Couldn’t Tell the Truth if It Kicked Him in the Groin

Or Even if the Police Do

Sir

When I accused the TT Coast Guard of murdering that little Venezuelan child, what I really meant was that Bas said politics has a morality of its own and I say it also has a criminal law of its own.

Kamla Persad-Beside-Herself-with-Hypocrisy

Exploiting Dead Babies and All

No Principle, No Problem, Dubious LLB

Sir

There are some things that are more important than becoming the greatest statistical tennis player of all time, such as defending the right to think that water can listen to you and killer viruses for everyone else are not as inconvenient to elite athletes as needles.

No-Vax No-Jokes

No Truth

No 21st Grand Slam Title

Sir

Whoever thought we would be nostalgic for the great election-winning power of Patrick Manning?

The PNM

Going Down with Keith

Even in Firetrucking Tobago

Sir

One thing we all have in common: things you are supposed to pause and think long, slowly and deeply about, we have tricked you into very quickly having an emotive reaction to and thereby obliterating thought altogether. It’s why you end up defending to the death such obvious rubbish.

Brexit and Trump Voters, Covid Deniers/Anti-Vaxxers and Climate Change Sceptics

Really Genuises

Corner Q-A-Nonsense and Roswell Area 51

Sir

No matter how devastating it might be, there is always an up side to a political cut-ar--.

Colm Imbert

Future First White Trinidadian Leader of the Opposition

After the Next General Election

Sir

Sometimes I wonder why you all continue believing in me and the hope of eternal paradise in the “afterlife” despite all the unbearable misery I allow every goddamned day of the only life you will ever have. And then I remember this whole “life” thing was just one great cosmic joke I played on you. And I just start chuckling.

God

In Heavens

Waiting for You to Start Wondering Where You Were BEFORE

You Got Here

Sir

Wait until we tie the Super Bowl halftime show into Critical Race Theory. Then you will see cut-a-- in the mid-terms.

Republicans

The Grand Ole Neo-Nazi Party

Heading Back to Washington

BC Pires is the editor of Make It Up As You Go Along Weekly. Read the full version of this column on Saturday at www.BCPires.com