No Ho, Ho!

In 1989 Errol “Bally” Ballantyne presented his profound socio-philosophical work Maxi Dub. Jamaican dub – not reggae, not yet dancehall – had taken over Trinidad and was being carried across the island in maxi taxis filled with schoolchildren and must-have-been-illegal sound systems.

In Maxi Dub, the protagonist, Bally himself, we surmise, boards one of these music-mobiles not for pleasure, but from necessity. In what I see now as the dark foreshadowing of my own future, “the Jeep break down, so (he) jump in a maxi.”

What follows is complete inundation by frolicking youth and impossibly loud dub. When Bally pleads with the engineer of this audio hell to reduce the volume or at least consider variety, he is verbally assaulted. In one of the most enviable lyrics ever written, Bally says, “All meh family, the drive, describe to me how they borrrrrn.”

This, for many of us, is Christmas. Except you seldom get good soca at Christmas. Rather, it is to be buried alive in a coffin of your worst fears. Being buried alive is a solid fear as it is. Now add spiders, clowns, fire, hunger – whatever terrifies you.

For all the talk of love, peace and good cheer, not everyone is delighted by the rush and the sound of rushing that characterises Christmas. And, as if it wasn’t bad enough that you felt you couldn’t escape the crowds and mayhem, you know that you are being judged for not enjoying it.

Some people do not revel in the season.

They are not bad. They are not Scrooge. They are not selfish or mean-spirited or joyless. For some, this is actually the time of year that triggers insecurities, loneliness, anxiety, depression and a general sense of malaise.

Nor do they wish to deny you your felicity in the things that bring you comfort and joy, comfort and joy, comfort and joy.

No, they just don’t want to be part of it or be vilified for standing away from the crowd. Some people stop leaving their homes as early as mid-November.

I’m not convinced that most people realise that participation in Christmas activities is a choice. So what happens to those who don’t want to join but feel the great press of parang, forced joviality and Secret Santa crushing them?

Let’s take social anxiety or even a non-diagnosed discomfort in crowds. There will be shopping crowds. In the world pre-covid, there may have been a crowd if you went to some form of entertainment like a concert. There may be dinners and parties with too many guests and not enough outdoor space.

Throughout the rest of the year, people who experience debilitating discomfort in crowds may be able to schedule their shopping for quieter times. They may receive fewer invitations, or, if they are asked out, they find a way out.

Christmas is an unforgiving time. Have you ever declined a Christmas invitation and it went well?

Cruelly, there is the upside-down of that. What if you are low in spirits and you’d very much like to be part of something, but you’re not? No office parties or limes with friends to make thousands of pastelles. No one to wrap presents with or help decorate the tree. No one with whom to watch a movie you loved as a child.

If you like Christmas and are part of an active Christmas community – family, non-family, extended family, small children, church – these things come as a matter of course.

Now, pause: try to imagine not having any of it. Wanting it but not having it.

It turns out that it’s a myth that suicide rates go up during the holidays. I still find that surprising.

There are many categories of people who choose to or do not wish to engage with Christmas, but there is one, in particular, I want to highlight: some people are not good at Christmas.

It’s not just the crowds, the sense of commercialism, the fear of knocking over fake reindeer everywhere. For some, it is the time they are least comfortable in their skin. Here is a thing that truly means you no harm but which others look forward to. And you realise that it does not make you happy. It isolates you.

Why can’t you just enjoy it like everyone else? The reasons may be simple or not, single or few, it matters not. It’s just not you.

For those for whom this is true, good luck this year; see you on the other side.

For those who do love and embrace the Christmas spirit, please be less judgmental about those not like you.

Remember to talk to your doctor or therapist if you want to know more about what you read here. In many cases, there’s no single solution or diagnosis to a mental health concern. Many people suffer from more than one condition
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