Sex and mental health

ONIKA HENRY

I knew a young woman, many years ago, who struggled with depression in her teen years. She often felt that she was simply “weak-minded” and got occasionally moody over things that were, according to her, “not so important.” I don’t think she was in denial. I think she really believed that if she tried hard enough she could fix herself, view the world differently and learn not to take for granted the fact that she grew up in a nice middle-class home and neighbourhood; that it was blasphemy and ungrateful to be disappointed in life when so many others didn’t have her privileges. So, she ignored it and continued to struggle for years until as a young adult, her ‘episodes’ became more intense, lasted longer and escalated into suicidal thoughts. That was the point at which she sought help.

We don’t often speak about the needs of “mad people” as we call them. They are made fun of, not taken seriously or seen as an unfortunate burden we have to bear. I have met people who view the family member with the mental illness with shame and sometimes disgust. We are not generally informed about mental health. We do not know that it is possible for someone to have a mental disorder and still be mentally healthy once they have insight, are taking their medication, have a support system, are eating well and are managing their lives successfully. It is also true that people may have poor mental health without a mental illness or disorder.

The young woman I mentioned, let’s call her Grace, was unaware of her specific mental disorder. As she got older and the episodes became scarier, she realised she couldn’t deny the possibility that something was seriously wrong. But admitting that she might have a problem was hard to do because she felt that her mind, her intellect, was her only real asset – the thing that made her valuable. If that was broken; if that was deeply flawed, then she was really worthless. She couldn’t find anything else about her being that anyone would find worthwhile or attractive. And then the stigma. The thought of being viewed as one of the mad people was terrifying. She would lose respect and probably have fewer opportunities to have the kind of career and/or job she wanted. She felt she was forced to choose between trying to survive and wanting to thrive.

We often separate the mental aspects of our humanity from the physical, emotional and spiritual, and by spiritual I don’t mean religion or religious dogma, but rather a sense of meaning and connectedness with all of life that is bigger than ourselves and beyond us. We are quick to medicate and medicate alone, ignoring the impact of physical well-being – exercise and nutrition for example – and emotional intelligence and expression through use of the arts in particular. Grace was always struggling with the side effects of her medication. She loved the relief it gave her from the “demons in her head” but at the same time she said she often felt trapped in her mind: there were things she wanted to understand and unravel that she couldn’t access when she was on medication. And then, there was her sex life.

Sex and mental health

If we rarely talk about mental health, I think we talk even less about sex and the link between the two. Our mental health is viewed by many health professionals as a strong predictor of sexual health. In other words, chances are, if you’re having mental health issues, you’re also having problems in your sex life. But of course, you don’t dare talk about this, because it “shouldn’t be a priority.” You have “more important things” to worry about. This kind of attitude reflects our view of the value of sex in our lives and reflects the definition we have about sex, that limits it to only genital behaviour and intercourse. Sex is so much more.

Is mental health a powerful predictor of sexual health?

A person who struggles with mental illness or whose mental well-being is compromised, will also find that their sexuality and sexual health is compromised in more than one way. Here is the why and how:

• The most important sex organ is the brain because sexual desire is cultivated in the brain.

• Sex organs and blood cells rely on chemicals in the brain to promote desire as well as the changes in blood flow needed for the sexual act. Depression disrupts these brain chemicals and can make sexual activity more difficult. This may be worse in older adults who already have occasional problems with sexual dysfunction.

• People whose mental and emotional health are compromised, often engage in high-risk sexual behaviour.

• Medications prescribed for mental illness may affect sexual desire and performance.

• Loss of sex desire or problems with sex will negatively impact on relationships/intimacy.

The more well-known mental health challenges, like anxiety and depression have these specific impacts on sexuality:

• Physical symptoms of anxiety (clenched muscles, shallow breathing) prevent you from relaxing and therefore you cannot sense or receive pleasure.

• In anxiety, vasoconstriction and a subsequent reduction in blood flow to your genitals plus increases in production of stress hormones, lowers the chance of arousal and orgasm.

• Anxiety means reduced lubrication, and might even trigger vaginismus, a disorder that makes the vaginal muscles so tense and contracted that penetration is impossible.

• Depressed and anxious thoughts further inhibits your awareness and reduces attention to physical sensations and physical sexual stimulation.

• Antidepressants, the most common forms of medical treatment for depression, can often have unwanted sexual side effects.

Sex as "medicine"

The importance of sex varies widely from person to person, but the fact is you do not have to accept that your sexual self has been erased by mental issues. But much more than this, is the fact that your sexuality is a vital part of your health and sense of well-being. To ignore it means shutting off an area of your life that is a source of vibrancy, spirited-ness and healing. And since the month of May is both Mental Health Awareness Month and Masturbation Month, this is the perfect time to access resources in these areas that are being promoted now. Don’t give up your sex life. Use it as medicine. You deserve pleasure and you can define what that means for you.

Onika Henry is a Tobago-based, trained sex educator and a certified sex coach. She designs and implements workshops, training, and psycho-educational counselling, to address sexual health concerns.

Website: https://onikahenry.com

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/ohenryconsultancy/

Contact: 381-3049