In the face of adversity

Kanisa George

IN THE same way I recount the good things in life or think about the good things to come, I sometimes find myself painstakingly mulling over the bad. It has become an obsession of mine to try to map out how best to tackle those difficult moments when they come, even though, in reality, there’s no script that can adequately prepare me for them.

In truth, I don’t think anyone is ever really prepared for difficult situations, in whatever form they may take.

What we can control, however, is how we respond to adversity and the steps we take to overcome them thereafter. When bad things happen, it’s natural for us to produce negative output. Depressive states, pessimistic attitudes and an overall doom-and-gloom approach are typical responses to triggers caused by adversity. While unwanted, these emotions are near impossible to separate, and the deeper we fall into the difficult situations, the tighter the noose becomes.

As much as negative emotions underscore adversity, what we do with them determines how we’ll fair when we eventually come out on the other side.

Post-traumatic growth studies suggest that having a positive mindset to overcome significant adversity facilitates growth in wisdom-related patterns of thoughts.

In their research, Ferrari, Grossmann, and Grimm cited the common belief that facing adversity helps pave the path to character growth, specifically to growth in wisdom.

But this notion, while easy to articulate, isn’t similarly easy to attain. It’s one thing to reach the end of the tunnel and look back at your experiences as a learning phase; it’s another to be in the thick of things, wondering which way is up.

Life often doesn’t go according to plan, and if there’s one thing I know about the human experience, it’s that when adversity comes our way, it usually comes in droves.

Like it or not, we’re all destined to face adversity in our lives, and how best you can move forward depends on the strategies you put in place to help you through it.

While overcoming obstacles can lead to significant growth, any step in this direction starts with how we perceive such difficulties.

Your perception of any situation, especially a difficult one, will influence how you respond to it. Our patterns of thinking affect the way we perceive things.

When bad things happen to us, our thought process naturally spirals.

“What just happened.”

“How did it happen?”

“And importantly, why did it happen to me?”

We get sucked into a negative thinking vortex that provides no real answers to our plight and only serves to disempower us.

When we step out of this thinking pattern and accept that we are precisely where we need to be to step into our future selves, we inadvertently absorb the bad while understanding that the good will eventually come if we adjust ourselves accordingly.

While it’s good to dismiss this vitriolic thinking process, dealing with the pain and emotion of the experience requires an entirely different approach. Wanda Krause, PhD, writes, “Don’t rush to get out of the healing when facing adversity."

“We hate pain! But allow yourself to feel the pain still. Soften the hate. See if you can go one step further – and appreciate the pain.”

When we confront pain and allow ourselves the space to fully appreciate it, we don’t get caught up in the never-ending carousel of suffering.

Conversely, we move forward in a way that doesn’t involve reliving pain constantly in a manner detrimental to mental, emotional and physical health, but one that will allow happiness to penetrate as you move into the next stage of your life.

“Be open to the goodness of life – even in the midst of apparent adversity.”

Sometimes we experience situations that rock us to our core, making it impossible to leave room for goodness to exist. We figure that because this horrible thing happened to me, I’m not allowed to experience the beauty life is offering.

An essential part of dealing with adversity is giving yourself permission to live. That means having the courage to acknowledge that although things are bad right now, I still have the choice to press forward and find the beauty in what life offers – power through with the knowledge that this too shall pass just like all other obstacles in life have.

Giving yourself the grace to live abundantly doesn’t require you to undergo penance; your very existence grants you the privilege to seek out goodness and take it. You cannot change the situation, but you can change your state of being.

Remember, life isn’t a sprint; it’s a marathon. So, change the pace, alter your trajectory, and don’t let adversities have the final say. Dust yourself off and adjust your sails to the shifting winds. When hard times hit, it’s an opportunity for us to wake up and rise to another level. Sometimes, the shift merely calls you to re-evaluate your life.

It’s all about your perspective and going after the life you believe you’re meant to live. Don’t let adversity keep you from living it.