Girl who joined gang at 14: 'You want to belong to something'

GANG activity in Trinidad and Tobago is pushing the murder toll to record highs every year.

For some, gangs determine where they go and what they wear.

Gang culture has found its way into the music the youths listen to.

Meanwhile, we all live in fear that we could be the next victim or casualty of gang activity.

This Newsday series will examine the culture behind gangs and what we can do to save our youths and nation.

What draws our youths to gang life? How far does its reach extend, both behind bars and on the outside?

And what are the authorities, schools, psychologists and religious leaders doing to combat gangs and their influence on our youths?

ELLEN* is a pretty girl, with neat box braids and a disarming smile that disguises the label she has worn since 14: gang member.

She was first arrested for possession of part of a firearm after she was caught with other gang members when police pulled their car over. She claims she never saw the gun, and doesn’t know which part of the gun she was charged with having.

At the time, she was a minor and her mother didn’t post her bail. Furious, disappointed and afraid, Ellen rebelled in prison, and even hid in the ceiling during an attempt to escape.

Now she believes being locked up helped her to find a new direction in life.

“I never had anyone to listen to my dreams and aspirations. I wanted people to love me for who I am. I wanted my mother to be there for me, but she had a new life after splitting with my dad.”

She quit school in form two and began running away from home.

“They had psychologists in school and in the police station, but it didn’t help, because when they sent me back home, my mother gave me licks, once with a pipe. I slept outside with the dog.

"That wasn’t a problem. That was my comfort.

"My stepfather tried to cut my tail. He would always tell me I wasn’t his child.

"Every time I got caught by the police, my mom came to the station with crocodile tears. I preferred the police station to being at home. I felt safe there. The police tried.”

None of Ellen's four siblings has ever been in trouble with the law.

“I have a brother who is a nerd and loves to read,” she said.

She always considered herself shy, but she sang at church services while incarcerated.

“In prison, I found supportive people and got the attention I needed.”

By 15, Ellen was smoking cigarettes and marijuana.

“But I never drank alcohol. I didn’t like to depend on anyone so at 15, I sold cocaine in bars for a gang."

Girls in gangs are not unusual, she said: she estimates about eight in 100 gang members are girls.

Ellen said gangs use teenage girls to lure people – often rich businessmen – into their traps to rob them.

“When police come to look for gang members, they look for the ‘usual suspects’ – not the unusual ones, females.”

Girls join gangs for the same reason boys do.

“You want to belong to something; you want someone to care about you.”

Most people associate gang members with single mothers, but teenage gang members often come from homes where they can’t get along with a stepfather, as in Ellen’s case.

Gangs are not restricted to areas any more. They have tentacles in many communities. So Ellen had no trouble keeping her gang affiliation after her family moved to four different places. Her actions got bolder.

“My motive was to die,” she said. “I was taking out my frustrations on myself. If I had the guts, I would have committed suicide.”

But now, she says she has ambition. She took cosmetology classes in prison and wants to be a cosmetologist.

“I love animals too, and would love to be a veterinarian, but I wouldn’t have the patience to pass through school.”

She wants to work and take care of her father, who has always supported her emotionally and financially – even in prison. He has health issues and has to leave where he’s living.

Gangs are getting bolder and more violent, she said.

“Some gangs don’t like other gangs because they feel they overdo the killing."

Ellen knows being in a gang means coming face to face with death.

“Once, I was outside of a vehicle with gang members in it. The police came up to us. If anyone in that car decided to shoot at the police, I would have been dead, because I was the only person outside of that car.”

She saw three robbery victims killed by a gang, and said it was senseless.

“They are doing harm to people who did nothing to them.

"You don’t get over seeing that, but in prison, I found God and repented. People have tried to help and uplift me. I try to uplift others now.”

Ellen fights back tears.

“I lived the thug life,” she said. “It’s hard for girls in gangs. Everyone in the gang wants to sleep with them.

"The only way to get around that is to have a boyfriend. I always made sure I had a boyfriend older than me. That sets some boundaries.

"I never wanted to sleep around. I’m afraid of sickness. I believe in STDs, Aids and syphilis. I didn’t want to end up like that.”

Ellen is articulate and expressive. Her eyes speak volumes, shining with excitement at the life she dreams of.

“I learned a lot from my past life. People only want you when you have something to offer. So-called friends don’t come to check you by the police or in prison. In the end, it was only me, my dad and God inside there.

"I’m still going through a lot, but I believe in better days. I always believe in hope.”

She smiles and describes herself as a “genuine person with good qualities, above all, loyalty to the people who have done good for me.”

Loyalty is the quality that gang leaders value most.

“People would look at girls like me and say, ‘You’re heartless. You helped gangs. You cry only when you come in jail.’

"But I believe people can change. They just need a chance and a family to love them."

If you see Ellen, who looks like a typical teenager on her way to school, or if you hear the excitement in her voice and listen to her dreams, you would never guess she once belonged to a gang.

*Not her real name. "Ellen" was used in this story to protect the identity of the person interviewed.