The gospel of Genisa

Genisa St Hillaire is 39 and has had two divorces.

The gospel singer said she felt bad that people would think that not only “one man left her, but it was two men.”

Although she turned to her Christian faith and music in her time of need, St Hillaire felt something was still missing.

She began in 2018 to write in a journal, pouring out her anger.

“Writing with anger and negative thoughts was like vomiting into a can and drinking it back. It wasn’t healthy,” said St Hillaire. The journal became a book titled, What had happened was, a year later. She had found an outlet to heal.

Born into a musical family, St Hillaire was always surrounded by people who either sang or played an instrument. Therefore, music came naturally to her and since her primary school days she would sing local advertisements on the playground.

In 2011, she created a YouTube channel under her stage name Nisa Nora and has garnered over 130,000 views. Her big break came in 2014 when she won gospel radio station W107’s Talent Search competition and was signed to Miami-based music label, Royalty and Respect Management.

Although she’s a gospel singer, Hillaire has also sung soca and calypso.

“I don’t believe in doing things to please people. Yes, I come from a heavy Christian background, but I would not sing anything I am not comfortable with,” she said.

She said she does not have to justify singing a Carnival-related genre.

“I believe in being accountable to somebody and you have to learn how to be accountable to yourself first.”

Although she is an artiste, St Hillaire also sings background for celebrated local singer Vaughnette Bigford, who she calls the “queen of TT jazz.”’

For Bigford’s shows, St Hillaire gets to sing other styles.

“Once I am comfortable and I feel like it (the music) doesn’t infringe on my moral compass I am good with it.”

She has even competed in the National Calypso Queen contest, placing in sixth in 2017 with The Market Place and tenth, the next year, with Life in Leggings.

Exploring these creative avenues, helped her to regain her self-confidence and to connect to others.

The book takes readers into St Hillaire’s struggle with depression and a failed suicide attempt after her divorces. On her broken relationships, she said, “Most time you don’t know how to see past the pain. I didn’t know how. I literally don’t know how I am sitting her in 2020 because I didn’t know how to move beyond one day.”

Describing the book as a mirror of her life, she said, “It reflects my experiences and thought processes. The anger, frustrations and happiness...just me.

“By the time I was finished with the book I was healed.”

More fulfilling to her will be that the book provides hope to people who have been through difficult experiences and wants them to know it’s important to seek help.

She also wants people to learn to love and respect each other.

“I think the world has always been crazy, but I think something is happening where there’s a bit more selfishness.

“I want to remind people that we live, and we die. While we have a chance to live, we should be nicer to each other as it would make life better even if we don’t understand people.”

St Hillaire has also released a single, Happy in ah real life, to complement her book. The song, she said, “embodies where I am which is happy.” In a social media-driven world, she thinks it is unhealthy that people post things which give an illusion of happiness.

She said her online posts, made people believe her life was perfect when was drowning in frustration. Now, whatever she posts represents what is genuine and true to her.

On what’s next, St Hillaire said she is focused on sharing the messages of her book and song. She has been invited by several groups to speak to women, girls and men which, she said, will help her feel more fulfilled as she enjoys meeting people.

And, for her, it is important to reach out to men.

I don’t look at men, myself, relationships or love the same way, I am much more open-minded because I had to learn how to live for me.”

Gospel singer Genisa St Hillaire also sings calypso and soca and has taken part in the national calypso queen competition twice.