Vanessa Wilson: A keen determination to live

VALDEEN SHEARS

Vanessa Wilson is the mother of three girls, who taught them never to give up, to fight no matter how bad or chaotic the situation looked.

When it came for her to apply this same principle, she said, initially it was easier said than done.

October 4 marked a year since Wilson was diagnosed with Stage 3 cervical cancer.

Acute depression stepped in, when not only did she get that devastating news, but within that first week, her marriage ended and she suffered a miscarriage.

However, in a true spirit of optimism, Wilson reflected on the silver lining of her dark clouds.

"Having a miscarriage saved my life. I couldn't see it at first, though. But the doctor decided to do a scrape because I had developed a high fever. They also saw that my white blood-cell count was too high. It was through this that they saw the cancer cells were actually in my womb. Then a CT scan showed I had a tumour on my right ovary, which doctors said had to be removed."

The 42-year-old preschool supervisor said her decision to consent to a hysterectomy was based on fears that removing the ovary alone could cause new cells to show at a later date.

She recalled thinking that life was over for her. That Stage Three was just one step away from death.

It took her daughters to remind her of her own teachings. It took her going to clinic and seeing other patients who were twice as sick as her, some wheelchair bound, for her to realise that her story was not over just yet.

"I don't think people truly understand, unless you have heard it, the word cancer...that word is scary. My first thoughts were of my children: who would see about them? I called them and asked a general question. If something happened to me, if I had to leave them, how would they cope? I took some small measure of comfort knowing they were all capable of taking care of themselves and had each other to rely on. It didn't lessen the utter pain of thinking I was going to lose seeing them grow,' she said, shaking her head and smiling.

Wilson recalled taking a week off from work and crying every night of that week. Two of her daughters took a year off from their studies and dedicated that time to taking care of their mother. However, Wilson said had to go back out to work, and was glad she did.

She credits her "fighting spirit" partly to her employers and co-workers at Creative Thinkers, Arima, who encouraged her and were supportive from the start. She recalled her employer’s willingness to shuffle her schedule so she could attend clinic and still put in enough hours to support her family.

On the topic of her relationship Wilson shied away, saying instead that her ex's knowledge of her diagnosis did not change anything for her.

"I had made up my mind by that time that the only relationship I needed to nurture, to grow and to flourish was my re-connection with God. I didn't want a relationship based on obligation or pity and knew my God did subscribe to that. I knew my strength to fight this disease, which I saw claim the life of a close friend, was solely in my faith," she noted.

That friend, Avernall Lenora Thomas, was only 37 when she died, but left such an indelible thread of faith with Wilson that it is forever immortalised in a letter and an accompanying charm.

"She wrote me such an inspiring letter of encouragement and hope. She touched me in such a way. I can only hope to do the same for others. Her chain and charm pendant, which reminds me of a sun...I look at in my moments and I think of how blessed I am, how much hope I still have and I can smile through it all," she said wistfully.

Wilson had three charm bracelets made for her daughters, in different colours, to remind them of their strength.

Some of her decisions have not sat well with her doctors, she admitted. While she consented to surgery, with great reservations, Wilson said she said a resounding "no" to chemotherapy and radiation. Instead, she opted for natural and herbal medications, whose outcome she believes has baffled the sceptical doctors.

"The tumour can no longer be seen on the CT scans and they are now querying where it could possibly have gone.

"Don't knock anything until you have tried it. For me, natural medicines with no side effects couldn't and shouldn't defeat or counteract on any meds the doctors would prescribe, so I decided to do loads of research, with the help of my eldest daughter, and God did the rest in such a magnificent, unexpected way, it still baffles me."

While she knows medical staff have their jobs to do, she saw no harm in cancer patients looking at alternatives to help them fight the disease.

"My scope on life now is encompassed by a keen determination to live, to see my daughters marry and to hold my first grandbaby… and then some," she said, laughing.