How not to be afraid of fear

Question:

Dear AFETT,

I am starting my dream job next week as regional head of a huge multinational company. I am so afraid that I may not be good enough and that I may fail. Can you give me any advice? I have never been this afraid of anything in my life.

Thanks!

Fear Elise

Dear Fear Elise,

While conducting research for his book Make Change Work for You, business strategist Scott Steinberg surveyed a wide range of business leaders and found that the key to success may be overcoming, and even using, your fears.

The most important ideas that his research revealed were:

“Fear is the biggest obstacle to getting ahead in the workplace

There are seven different kinds of fears that commonly keep people from succeeding

Taking more risks, and even using your fear as a tool, can be the best way to achieve your goals”

I believe fear is a perfectly natural part of our human existence. Some of us may be more fearful than others in our endeavours, while some of us attack situations head-on with confidence and self-assurance.

I often fall into the former category. Throughout my experiences, I have been afraid of every major decision and every major milestone in my life.

I remember when I got accepted to study my LPC in the UK. Even though it was everything that I ever wanted, at every step along the way, I felt like it was never going to happen. I spent many sleepless nights and waking moments of anxiety, thinking of ways that it can all go wrong and I could not make it. But I did.

I remember when I was going to be called to the bar. Up until the moment that they called my name, I remember sitting in the crowd and holding my breath waiting for someone to stop the ceremony because clearly there was some type of mistake. But I got called.

I remember the day that my daughter was born and the moments right before, all the horror stories and worst-case scenarios kept replaying in my head. “What if she doesn’t make it?” “What if she isn’t healthy?” “What if I am not good enough?” But she was born and I swear everyday she loves me more.

And finally, my biggest fear has always been high places. I would never be caught in rollercoasters or in glass elevators unless my eyes were closed. Until one day, on a vacation in Antigua, I decided to try ziplining. The first line for me was the hardest and I needed someone to cross it with me. After that, as the lines progressed and got longer and higher, the little pangs of anxiety grew weaker until all I could think about was how much fun I was having, way up in the sky.

My reasons for sharing these stories are multiple. The first, to quote Dante Alighier, is, “Do not be afraid; our fate cannot be taken from us; it is a gift.”

With all my milestones and my fears of not accomplishing my goals, they still happened anyway. To think of all the fun and sleep that I could have had if I had only considered that giving into fear does not help in the accomplishment of our destiny; in fact, it hinders life and all its progress. I was so caught up in my own fears and my own securities that I never truly got to accept the gift that was given to me in the accomplishment of my goals.

Secondly, we are often most fearful of the things that we understand the least. My fear of giving birth and of motherhood was mainly because I was trying to navigate new waters. But as I understood more of what was happening, I realised that I was no longer crippled by the fear that existed only in my mind. In fact, I was able to handle each challenge and each day with an enthusiasm and motivation that boosted my self-confidence.

Thirdly, if all else fails, and you still find yourself at the top of the precipice with shaky knees, call for a mentor or a guide; an expert who has navigated the waters before. You will find that all you need is a push or a quiet whisper in your ear “you can do it” and the rest of the journey would be filled with a self-assurance that you too can touch the sky and glide with the eagles.

Finally, understand and appreciate fear for what it is. According to an article on Science of People, “The purpose of fear is to help you protect yourself in a dangerous situation. However, because most things that we’re afraid of today aren’t life-threatening, our body’s response to fear actually does more harm than good.” Fear is a natural response to the mind’s interpretation of an event that has not yet unfolded. It does not determine the outcome so sleep on it, think on it and grab your gears and take the plunge!

Above all else, soar with the eagles

AFETT

AFETT is a not-for-profit organisation formed in 2002 with the goal of bringing together professional women and engaging in networking opportunities, professional training and business ideas. ASK AFETT is a column meant to address issues and concerns of professionals seeking advice to assist in progressing in their careers. Today's response was written by Jeane A Warner, research and public advocacy director, AFETT. Learn more about AFETT at www.afett.com, search for AFETT Events on Facebook, follow us @AFETTEXECS on Twitter or contact us at (868) 343-2160. Email us your career-related questions at admin.afett@gmail.com.

The views and opinions expressed are those of the authors, meant strictly as advice and guidance, based upon their experience and expertise. In no way are they meant to be legally binding upon AFETT and or its members, servants nor agents.