Mama used to say

Dara E Healy

He would tell his girl of how it used to be

How his mommy passed away

But these lines she would say

And at the time

He couldn't understand

And mama used to say

Take your time young man

Don't you rush to get old

Take it in your stride

Live your life

– from Mama Used to Say, Junior Giscombe and Robert Carter, 1982

THE OLDER I get the more I hear the voices of my ancestors in my head. My grandmother, in particular, was known for her cryptic style of communication, speaking primarily through sayings and proverbs. As we celebrate mothers tomorrow, I thought you would appreciate hearing some of her words of wisdom, as well as quotes that help me to make sense of life.

I remember she used to tell me, “Careful, careful, all skin teet is not laugh.” Her words caused me to be more careful in my relationships. I am relieved that her cautions did not make me suspicious of people; I would not want to live life that way. I still believe in the innate goodness of human beings, but granny’s voice in my head helps me when I need it the most.

The African proverb that says “if you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together” is important to my own personal philosophy. Over time I connected it to my grandmother’s approach to life.

A life of service can be very exhausting and even unforgiving at times. Today, through our work in communities, we emulate her quiet conviction that there is always enough to share, be it food or a bed to rest on. This attitude also informs how we approach our organisation – everyone is always compensated, recognised or rewarded in some way. There is always enough to share.

This quotation from Shakespeare’s Othello holds important life lessons for me as well. “Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing/’twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands/But he that filches from me my good name/Robs me of that which not enriches him/And makes me poor indeed.” It was drilled into us that it is important that people are able to say good words about you.

As I get older, the concept of personal reputation therefore looms larger in my world view. How do my words empower the people who are committed to the work that we do? Am I listening enough? What steps should I take to address the mistakes that I have made? In our world, it seems that very little is sacred. Certainly, very little is considered private. Preserving your reputation is also about understanding what actions you take, or what words you utter in the first place.

I also learnt “when you doh have, do without.” As simple as that reprimand is, it speaks to the materialism of our society. Any profound messages about Mother’s Day are drowned out by concerts and advertisements. Perhaps we need to revisit the importance of advocating for more contentment and gratitude as mentioned in that saying.

Finally, I think of the lavways of stickfighters that describe their personal mission and struggle to make their way in the world. “Ah living alone, ah living alone in the jungle; Thousand, ten thousand to bar me one; Send a bois man fuh meh, I go meet them by the junction.” I see my grandmother’s stern, silent face when I hear these warrior songs. Now I appreciate a bit more why sometimes she would just not speak. In her quiet way, she was a warrior for her children and for her family.

My grandmother also used to tell me, “Say yuh prayers, go down on your knees and give thanks.” Her faith was powerful and unshakeable and though it took me a while to get here, I understand why. Prayer is about sending all of your positive thoughts and dreams into the universe and believing that the connectedness of all life will hear and respond to you.

Mothers are essential for nurturing and anchoring our society. Yet, in many ways, women and mothers are under siege. They need our help to reclaim the role of mother and her ability to transform society, to articulate and help us live by a clear set of values. On this special day, give thanks for what mama used to say.

Dara E Healy is a performance artist and founder of the Indigenous Creative Arts Network – ICAN