‘Family support can help through tough times’

The Christmas season is typically a joyous time but for some people, it triggers feelings of loneliness, depression and trepidation, particularly for those who lost their jobs or experienced personal trauma.

And, with 2019 here, in the throes of an economic recession, such emotions are likely to persist unless those affected resolve, despite their trials, to beat the odds.

For clinical psychologist Victoria Siewnarine-Geelalsingh, having a good support system within the family helps, even though members may not be able to assist their distressed loved ones financially or otherwise.

“A lot of people who are coping well would tell you “Thank God for family,” she told Newsday.

“They have people standing by them even though they have nothing to give...and that makes the difference.”

Recalling the flooding which wreaked havoc throughout much of TT in October, Siewnarine-Geelalsingh said far too often, people determine their self-worth by their acquisitions with little regard for people.

“But when we have no things and someone makes us feel worthy anyway... that’s gold. So I would encourage others... value those around you for the persons they are - not for what they have or the position they hold. I believe everyone has admirable qualities within them which we can all cherish.

Even so, Siewnarine-Geelalsingh acknowledged it was difficult for people to sit with their grief during Christmas.

“There are many people who wish well and have extended themselves to help but I feel as though if a person is depressed or grieving the death of a loved one, or feel as though they are stuck in a dead end situation, they really need people to be present with them.”

She said, however, family members should not remind the distressed about their situation.

“Trust me, when they open their eyes on a morning, it all comes flooding back to their memory.”

Acknowledging that many people in dire situations do not have the autonomy to effect change, Siewnarine-Geelalsingh said this had implications for mental health.

“So, for the victims of the recent flooding, they may be wondering when they will ever be able to get back on their feet,” she said.

Similarly, she said, people facing loss over the holiday season may be wondering if they’ll ever celebrate again.

Siewnarine-Geelalsingh said even though the distressed people may try to fill the void, many times it is filled with negative scenarios “because our brains are built to fight or flee.

“So, if we must fight, then we must have a plan. We have to imagine the bad stuff in order to come up with that plan.”

The psychologist said this is usually a trouble spot.

“That’s where a lot of us get lost. That bad place becomes real to us and because it all happens unconsciously, we have difficulty separating ourselves from it. But in those situations, talking it out helps. You can ask yourself, ‘Who is in control of my joblessness?’”

She added: “If you’ve been recently let go as was the case for the Petrotrin workers, then that’s not something you can control. And if it’s out of your control, then you create anxiety by trying to change that particular outcome.

“If you realise, however, that you can control it by way of sending our resumes, then you can actually do something to change the situation. It’s all acting when you can change something and letting go when you cannot. Be solution focused.”

On a separate issue, Siewnarine-Geelalsingh said resolutions were essentially goals.

She said studies have shown that by making New Years’ resolutions, people were ten times more likely to succeed at their goals. “When we think resolutions, we think change,” Siewnarine-Geelalsingh said.

“What was hard for me last year? What do I want differently this year?”

However, she said little attention was paid to whether people had the power to address those things they want to change.

Making a resolution, she said, is sometimes a strategy to gain control.

Still, Siewnarine-Geelalsingh said many people do make unrealistic resolutions “and that’s a large part of why they’re unable to achieve them.

“In addition to a resolution being unrealistic, is whether or not it’s achievable. What makes a realistic resolution achievable is breaking it into smaller bits.”

Siewnarine-Geelalsingh offered some suggestions on how to make realistic resolutions achievable.

* Instead of saying you are going to lose weight, say you are going to drink your coffee with one less spoon of sugar or you’ll have your last meal at 7pm.

* Instead of “exercise more” say you’ll exercise three times per week for one hour each time.

*Quitting a vice: Smoke one less pack of cigarettes per week for January, two packs for February.

* Managing debt: Spend only what you make.

* Saving Money: Save $500 extra per month.

SOME SOLUTIONS FOR MAKING RESOLUTIONS STICK

1) Write out why you are trying to make this change: Don’t focus on the outcome. Focus on the steps as they come.

Find ways to enjoy the steps, remembering that failure is a ladder that teaches us what not to do the next time.

2) Break the resolution into achievable tasks, smaller bits you feel confortable with which are easy to achieve.

3) Imagine scenarios that may prevent you from achieving your goal and be strategic, solution focused. Problems happen and some of them are outside of our area of control. Release them and shift how you respond.