Women are bullies too

Jean Antoine-Dunne writes a weekly column for the Newsday.

I want to return to the matter of bullying because it is so pervasive within institutions in Trinidad and Tobago. Bullies are not necessarily male, as Marina Salandy-Brown has pointed out in a recent article.

In fact, sometimes for women in the workplace, bullying comes from other women seeking to climb to the top and is perhaps indeed a result of the long and difficult route that we have traditionally faced. I often think of Margaret Thatcher and her attitudes and image. This is not to say that men are not bullies, or that they should be left off the hook. The exercise is just simply different.

Men who are bullies sometimes seek to exert authority and power through sex, sometimes through force and often through the slow diminution of their female counterparts’ self worth. Stereotyping is a favourite ploy.

Therefore, women are emotional, irrational and lack logic, as we all “should” know through received wisdom.

However, women do have the gift of finding allies as a way of securing power, maybe through long practice of being the underdog. It is an unfortunate fact that there are instances within institutions where women in authority do instil fear in those under them and do create alliances to repress others. Sometimes this becomes an abuse of power. The only option for those who find themselves as victims in such situations is to leave.

One of the primary reasons that women remain in abusive relationships, whether in the workplace or in personal relationships where they are beaten or screamed at or made to feel insecure and diminished is that they think that they have no real alternative. There was an underlying logic when our mothers in their wisdom told us to always have “vex money.”

It was a euphemistic way of telling us to always have our own resources so that as women we were not dependent. In other words, we should always have a way out.

But the problem remains that in this day and age when most women work and are apparently independent, women still find it difficult to exit from abusive relationships. It takes determination and a rare kind of courage to say stop to someone who is a bully for the very simple reason that many bullies understand how others think or know how to make their victim feel insecure, indecisive and uncertain. This means that the person under attack might even make excuses, so the bullying continues.

The real issue is often that of dealing with individuals who have learnt to wield power either through what they can potentially offer or because they understand how to manipulate others. This happens throughout society and at many levels. This use of manipulation entails getting a majority to support the act or the process of intimidation, however it occurs; the spur is most often simple self interest. Bullying is a serious fact and one that has many aspects and is not restricted to any race or gender.

We need to think about it and find ways of empowerment for those who are victimised. The problem is that confrontation often leads to further victimisation in the small world of Trinidad and Tobago where there are “families” within institutions as well as cliques. Nepotism becomes a way of life.

Doors close if one protests. It is a sad fact that it is so easy to stigmatise another and in particular to use this tactic against women; it is so easy, for example, to conjure images of “emotionalism” or to call another “a drama queen.” These stereotypes already have currency in the imaginary and continue their deadly progress.