The blame game

Very early a few mornings ago, I went to the beach to feed a homeless dog that I had recently taken to be spayed.

As I left the site the voices of two female bathers drifted from the water near the shoreline. They were talking, somewhat heatedly, of the lack of proper parental supervision of children today. I knew they were discussing the missing two-year-old boy, Kimani "Mannie" Francis, whose disappearance had been reported the day before – Monday – the day he wandered away from his Point Fortin home, barefoot, wearing only a disposable diaper.

The day after, I returned to the beach to check on the dog. As I walked from my vehicle, I overheard two women who were sitting at the roadside, avidly discussing the fact that so many children in Trinidad have drowned recently – in pools and rivers – and that parents are obviously not keeping their eyes on their young offspring.

An elderly couple in the supermarket stood near a trolley of groceries, vociferously debating the fact that parents these days do not keep a sufficiently careful eye on their children.

It seemed as though almost every conversation I overheard on those two days was about the widespread examples of poor parenting throughout the nation, highlighted by the recent spurt of untimely deaths of young children and, specifically, because it was current, the case of missing Mannie.

I could not help but note that those who discussed the issue were above middle-aged – all old enough to have lived in "those days" when parents and communities seemed more vigilant over their young and each other...Days when one was more likely to know one’s neighbours and be more of a "brother’s keeper" than a "Drink water and mind my business" mentality...Days sufficiently far away to have been slower, without the current ever-present distractions of internet, social media, WhatsApp, cellular phones, selfies and anything else that virtually occupies our attention for longer than the minute it takes for a little child to toddle off to an unknown, unfortunately sometimes fatal, destiny.

Later, on that day, many across the nation reeled when news broke that the toddler’s body had been found face-down in the Guapo River. On social media, prayers turned to tears in light of the discovery.

While some viciously attacked Kimani’s young mother for not even knowing he was missing until the police informed her of the fact ages after, others focused on blaming the neighbour who had seen him walking by her house and had called the police while (as she said) making an attempt to follow him down the road.

One newspaper, however, reported that she had gone back into her house to turn off the stove before going back out to follow him – by which time he was too far away for her to keep up with him.

“She could have done better!” was the consensus among many citizens who, infuriated by the neighbour’s allegedly delayed action, commented on social media.

“She moved too slow!”...“How a two-year-old could outrun she?”

“Don’t be so quick to judge her,” others said, claiming that the woman had in fact followed the child upon seeing him and had not been able to keep up owing to an allegedly injured leg which slowed her down considerably.

In the aftermath of tragedies – especially those involving children – parents, family members, communities and the Government can become victims of islandwide fury and blame as the nation vents collective grief and anger over who did not do X, who could have done Y better and who did Z, the wrong thing.

Dr Raymond A DiGiuseppe, an American professor of psychology who is one of the world’s leading experts on anger and studies it as a clinical problem, says: “Anger usually involves the externalising of blame. When we become angry, we usually consider the source of our anger to be outside ourselves."

What if the nation, increasingly angered by daily tragedies, turned its externalised blameful gaze within? Is it only the neighbour who "could have done better"...the parents who did not "pay closer attention"...the village who did not "help to raise the child"... the Government, which did not "listen to the cries of people"...God, who did not "bless our Nation?"

Or in various ways, each one of us?