Is that what love is?

KANISA GEORGE

We've all been there – your first crush, first kiss, first love. Along with it comes a plethora of emotions, an ocean of tears and several sleepless nights (talking with your significant other till 3 am or crying to your best friend about the inevitable end). Yet, through it all, we all share one thing in common, and that's the high of being in love. Whatever your views are on this mystified illusion, we can all admit that love might sometimes be complicated, complex and overly nuanced, but above all, it's a beautiful thing to experience.

But can you fall in love without actually ever meeting the other person? Without seeing what they look like and falling in love based on their personality and your emotional connection? Without a doubt, the Netflix series Love is Blind has truly breathed life into a "phenomenon as old as time" and has forced some people to consider whether love truly is blind. The idiom “love is blind” considers a scenario where a romantic connection grows utterly independent of physical appearance and, in some cases, physical touch. This concept envisages the development of emotional intimacy minus the emphasis that's often placed on physical appearance.

Who doesn't want to be loved for their outgoing personality and kind spirit? After all, we are what's on the inside. Yet, unfortunately, that's not the first thing people see. Yes, physical beauty fades, and as much as we sometimes try, it's not humanly possible (though some women have done the unthinkable) to maintain a perfectly polished look 24/7. In a world where Instagram perfections is placed above all, there are more than a handful of us helplessly holding on to the belief that love can be truly blind. But are we fooling ourselves? Is this approach to love even possible?

Science has proven time and time again that there is a link between attraction based on looks, sexual satisfaction, and happiness in relationships. While endearing qualities like kindness and empathy are essential nurturing elements, sex and desire can't be removed from the equation, as they are both important for relationship satisfaction and success.

In 2014, a study conducted by researcher Hans Yoo and his colleagues and published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy found that the emotional and sexual aspects of intimacy in romantic relationships are significant correlates of a couples' relationship satisfaction.

If the results of these studies hold true, and sex and touch are central to a long-term relationship, it seems highly unlikely that a relationship can be sustained without either party being physically attracted to the other.

Naturally, we are designed to first see with our eyes. We become intrigued by what's before us based on what makes us tick and our own concept of desire. But, unfortunately, so much of what makes us tick is physical. How then can we extricate ourselves from our love of beauty and the desire that beauty sometimes ignites in us?

When it comes to love, there are a number of ways one could be blind. And I don't mean ignoring your partner's physical attributes and seeing only those positive intrinsic qualities. I'm talking about complete and sometimes dangerous blindness.

It's the kind of blindness that puts the saying “falling head over heels” into perspective. Because truthfully, there is a level of madness associated with it.

Sometimes we are so sightless in love that we fail to see our partner’s negative traits. Instead, we create this idealised image with which we fall in love. Others are simply carried away by the idea of being in love, completely ignoring the actual reality of their lovers. This, according to psychologists, is known as positive illusions, and it is where intimate partners perceive their relationship and their partners in a positive light. However, some people see it as a distorted evaluation because couples only focus on positive qualities.

Recent studies found that positive illusions have incredibly positive benefits for relationships. And researchers found that couples experience higher satisfaction, fewer conflicts and less doubt about their relationship's future. But this positive approach might lead you down a very dark road. It is no surprise that women under the hands of an abusive partner or men being gas-lit by the "perfect woman" all had positive illusions in common. Only realising these dangerous qualities when they were already deep in the relationship or after it ended. Unable to see the bad amid good, when negative traits presented like a glaring red flag, they were too blind in love to notice.

How many of you would happily feel your way around an unknown dark room? Or snorkel the Buccoo reef at night without the aid of a light? Sure, there might be a handful of you out there ready to take on the challenge. But sincerely, the rest of us kinda wanna see where we're going.