The best Christmas gift

DEBBIE JACOB

EVERY Christmas season I can’t help but think about all of those people who feel depressed or alone. We often don’t see their pain or notice their struggle because we are wrapped up in our own joy. People who feel lonely and sad often hide their pain because they feel guilty about their feelings. They don’t want to spoil everyone else’s joy, and that is sad in itself.

Ironically, the pandemic has taken care of many of those sources of depression or discomfort like Christmas parties where some people always feel awkward, left out or tired from over-partying. But even a scaled-down Christmas can trigger bad memories or evoke new sources of sorrow when people fail to realise that it is difficult, if not impossible, for any Christmas to live up to the unrealistic hype we all buy into every year.

We expect Christmas to be perfect – no family squabbles, no missing friends or family members. We live for that special day and forget to appreciate the simple moments building up to Christmas.

Google the phrase “depression at Christmas” and you will find many medical sites that talk about the problem. They give useful tips about how to deal with holiday blues.

Here is what I have recognised over the years:

1. Work towards having a happy Christmas Day, but have no expectations of what Christmas Day will look like: Leave room for disappointments. Be realistic. Be pleasantly surprised if it turns out to be the best Christmas ever, but don’t expect it, and you won’t be disappointed.

2. Decide what you will do to prepare for Christmas and pace yourself so it is fun and enjoyable – not a chore: Christmas cleaning, baking Christmas cookies, buying presents and cooking the Christmas meal shouldn’t be chores. They should be well-paced activities that you savour along the way. Live in the moment. It makes Christmas last longer.

3. Make your own Christmas traditions: My mom used to bake 16 hours a day for the entire month before Christmas. My brothers and I had to help her make those cookies, and it was backbreaking, tiring work. Two weeks into baking, we resented this ritual. We gladly ate her sugar cookies, rum balls and snowballs for the next six months, but dreaded every December with its cookie-baking marathon.

When I had children, I limited my baking to Christmas Eve while my children were asleep. I made my mom’s sugar cookies, snowballs and added my own tradition of gingerbread cookies. Tweaking traditions to make them work for you is perfectly acceptable.

4. Don’t overspend: Too many people put budgets and the thought of debt out of their minds at Christmas. Nothing can be more depressing than the sobering realisation of Christmas debt. That feeling lingers and creates anxiety and sadness leading up to the next Christmas. Avoid overspending to feel better about Christmas.

5. Read to children and to yourself: Reading over the Christmas holiday helps you to unwind while it creates lasting memories. My favourite Christmas read is Mr Ives’ Christmas by the late, great Cuban writer Oscar Hijuelos. Every child should have How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr Seuss and a Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens read to them. Don’t forget The Gift of the Magi, a short story by O Henry. Create a tradition of reading over Christmas.

6. Be aware of others' feelings: If we are more aware of the despair that some people feel at Christmas, we might be able to reach out and help someone who needs support. I am no psychologist, but I would suspect depression if friends or family avoid or decline usual contact with you or appear distant and overly low-key. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to.

7. Reach out to the less fortunate: A food hamper, gift certificates for groceries or pharmacies always come in handy. Suggest a group-giving project with friends and family to make Christmas happy for the less fortunate among us and more memorable for you. Again, check out religious organisations and NGOs for ideas.

Christmas is a holiday that evokes many different emotions in people. Maybe the best gift we can give each other is the gift of understanding and support. There are people who don’t expect to feel happy at Christmas. The smallest, considerate gesture can turn their holiday into something special.