The things we do for love

By KANISA GEORGE

"And I would do anything for love, oh I would do anything for love, but I won't do that..."

What would you do for love? It is often regarded as a loaded question, a brute pre-supposition many of us have subconsciously tossed around in our heads at some point in time. This question challenges us to consider whether the sacrifice is worth it and how far we'll be willing to go in the name of romantic pursuits.

History dictates that sacrifice seldom results in harmonious, undisturbed bliss – cue Romeo and Juliet, Helen of Troy and the modern-day lifetime special Megxit. Yet, against the backdrop of family, race, class, and the raging Coca-Cola vs Pepsi debate, there are quite a few things we might be forced to sacrifice when it comes to love and relationships.

That begs the question, is there a limit to what we'll do for love?

Van Lange writes that sacrifice in a close relationship is underscored by one person relinquishing the pursuit of their own interests and needs for the sake of their partner's or for the quality of their relationship. This usually involves matters of a trivial nature as well as more substantial issues.

Besides the widespread criticism of what many view as an archaic, sexist regime, Japan's Princess Mako was bold enough to sacrifice her royal status to marry a commoner. In the pursuit of happiness and what I hope to be genuine love, she was forced to sacrifice her status, financial stability and perhaps even her relationship with her family.

It isn't uncommon to find family discord tacitly interwoven into the fabric of romantic pursuits, so much so that parents are willing to "disown" their child because they disapprove of their partner.

This narrative creates severely deep faults in familial relationships and children are sometimes forced to completely cut ties with their immediate family to create a safe space, void of hostility and conflict.

We all know that personal sacrifice comes at a cost, and beyond the scope of third parties, women sometimes give personal aspects of themselves to sustain their relationship. But are we scarifying too much?

One writer posits that most of us regard sacrifice in a relationship as the very definition of what it means to truly love another person. In fact, research shows that couples are happier and more likely to remain in their relationships if the partners are willing to sacrifice for each other.

Sacrificing for your partner adds to the relationship's identity creating a bond sealed by connection and other intangible variables, but sometimes these sacrifices can be pretty one-sided.

Women are skilled in the art of "taking one for the team" and frequently make significant life changes to facilitate their partners. Whether moving to a new country or taking a less demanding job to accommodate domesticity, women stretch themselves thin to make their relationship work.

Make no mistake, men also embrace life changes to achieve the happy wife happy life concept. Still, a few scientific studies suggest women are more likely when compared to men to make sacrifices in a relationship. According to psychologist Gail Gross, women tend to make more sacrifices than men, which is mainly due to our biology. The hormones estrogenic and oxytocin drives the want to make us sustain relationships better. This, she says, make women more sacrificial than men.

Yet even when the proverbial pound of flesh is sold, resentment can often threaten to destroy the foundation of your relationship. So, is it even worth it?

Relationship experts suggest that we must be willing to take risks to achieve the desired outcome, but these must be balanced against several factors.

For starters, commitment must be established long before life-altering sacrifices are made. For a big sacrifice to be worth it, you should ensure that you and your partner are invested in the relationship and on the same page about the future.

But also, is your partner willing to make the same sacrifices for you? Van Lange stresses the importance of questioning whether your partner has shown the same degree of commitment to making the sacrifice you might be considering. Also, has your partner shown willingness to sacrifice for you in the past? Is this something they'll do in the future? If your partner assumes that you are the one who must choose to sacrifice without taking any of the same responsibility, then this is a cause for concern.

We all must face tough decisions, and sometimes it involves making sacrifices for our partners. But in a time where relationships are mercurial at best, what are you really willing to sacrifice in the name of love?