Dissecting 'daddy issues'

By KANISA GEORGE

Though the central theme surrounding Freud's psychoanalytical theory is sexuality and sexual development, a lot of his research focuses on family life and the interrelation between parents and offspring. Freud’s theory focuses on the source of numerous conflicts brewing within a child during the formative years and its impact on future development and relationships.

From his research, he coined the term Oedipus complex, to reflect an intense conflict during a young man's early development where he unconsciously develops sexual desires for his mother. The Electra complex describes the female version and involves a girl, becoming subconsciously sexually attached to her father and increasingly hostile toward her mother.

Considered one of the most controversial theories on development, it can’t be denied that Freud somewhat successfully attempts to shed light on the indisputable occurrences of envy and rage sometimes seen between father and son, and the passive-aggressive, dysfunctional relationship between young girls and their mothers.

Following Freud's principles, because we are driven by the need to gain the attention of the parent of the opposite sex, an absent father is arguably a heavier blow to a young girl than it is to a developing boy. The absence of a parent in any child's life, regardless of sex, leaves a mark that erodes one’s sense of self and belonging in some young adults, which transcends into adulthood.

And while women are sometimes blamed for abandoning their offspring, men, for the most part, are the main culprits of this social ineptitude. The absence of a father figure shapes how young girls view themselves and impacts their future interactions and relationships with men.

The father complex first entered the realm of psychology as a neurosis that only affected males. It is a phrase used to describe someone who has unconscious associations and impulses resulting from a poor relationship with their father. It has been extended to include its impact on women and is a concept now widely known as daddy issues.

As it relates to women, daddy issues is a term used, sometimes incorrectly, to add context to a woman's behaviour, especially in a relationship setting. Admittedly, some women suffer from identity issues and struggle to overcome that initial desertion. However, relationship experts protest that the phrase daddy issues has become a catchall term to describe almost anything a woman does regarding sex and relationships.

We are quickly labelled neurotic. But not because of gaslighting or other forms of manipulation, but because we are battling with all those unresolved issues left in the aftermath of our fleeing fathers.

If a woman prefers older men, or likes rough sex play, or puts out too soon or doesn't put out at all, she must be dealing with daddy issues. Failed relationships, multiple sexual partners and more than one baby daddy are all linked to women harbouring daddy issues. The result: women becoming the poster gender for this term. Instead of recognising that it's a term that affects both women and men, it's used to dehumanise a woman's needs.

Setting aside the incorrect labels society assigns, women do sometimes struggle with daddy issues.

One way this manifest itself is by our choice of partner. Without making a conscious effort to deviate, women instinctively gravitate toward the type of relationships they've had in the past. Some women find themselves in this puzzle because it mimics normative childhood experiences. Sadly, they believe this is the type of relationship they should have, even if the warning signs are unmistakable.

In other words, if a woman's relationship with her father was traumatic or disappointing, she may be more likely to choose a partner who will disappoint her in the same way.

Sarah Hill's study titled Absent Fathers and Sexual Strategies found a direct correlation between less involved or absentee fathers to earlier puberty and increased sexual activity. It also suggests that a woman's desperate need to remain in an unhealthy relationship is fuelled by her wanting to maintain a relationship that was not possible with her father.

According to experts, one way to confront this is to think about your current or past relationships and try to identify patterns in the type of partners you choose and determine what those relationships were plagued by, whether it be insecurity, anxiety, or drama. Also, reflecting on your experiences and learning about different attachment styles can help you figure out yours, allowing you to put things into perspective.

Unlearning unhealthy normative behaviour while letting go of the past might be hard to do, but it is important to take cues from everything around you. Observe healthy relationships and family dynamics and try to apply them to your own life.