Crime and lost boys

Jerome Teelucksingh

IN DECEMBER 2024 I read that a 40-year-old mother had been charged by police with cruelty following allegations of locking her five and seven-year-old sons in a dog kennel.

This and other incidents made me more aware of the need to focus on the suffering of boys in sweet TT.

Tomorrow is World Day of the Boy Child (WDBC) and the theme this year is: "Building Self-esteem in Boys: Stand Up, Be Heard, Be Seen."

Last Friday, an observance of WDBC was held in Port of Spain but there is need for more local observances. Creating these public spaces for boys to feel safe and comfortable is important. Our boys need such spaces to freely express emotions and/or discuss feelings, taboo subjects, and ask questions. Pressure is often placed on boys when their behaviour is labelled as "toxic masculinity." This prevents them from fully expressing their emotions.

And Belgroves Funeral Home must be highly commended for deciding to create a similar space by observing the National Men in Grief Day on May 30.

Likewise, many boys who have experienced pain and hurt find it difficult to express themselves. If they are to recover they need to undergo treatment and counselling to cope with grief.

Boys who lose relatives, friends and pets also experience trauma and this is often ignored by adults. Boys are expected to endure physical pain. They have been socialised to believe crying is a form of weakness or an emotion expressed by females. Unfortunately, this unresolved grief of their boyhood years often later contributes to mental health issues as adults.

There are many outstanding, kind and gentle boys, but these young role models are often "invisible." For instance, there are boys who are involved in NGOs, assist in volunteering, and support their siblings. However, these noble gestures are neither highlighted on social media nor praised.

There are some support systems for men, but we need more for boys. And we need to assess these programmes and ensure they are reshaped to cater for boys from all walks of life. For instance, what intervention is there to assist a disobedient or delinquent boy in an upper-class home? Most likely he would reject similar help being offered to boys suffering from such problems in another economic and/or social bracket.

We have to provide more appealing alternatives to lost boys in sub-cultures. For instance, many boys no longer see the value of education or a good work ethic. We have to eliminate the harmful, enticing media images of seeking quick wealth and not valuing life. Let us mould a generation of boys to be less materialistic and appreciate genuine friendships.

These lost boys in high-risk areas need to feel loved and appreciated. If not, they will contribute to high levels of crime. The major challenges facing boys is the unfair branding as they are stigmatised as losers and troublemakers. Every society should seek to identify broken family units and work to heal and repair. This would reduce the incidence of boys in anti-social activities.

I am troubled to see the statistics of boys in fatherless homes. Likewise, the suicide rate among males is a disturbing symptom of a cold and uncaring society. We need to teach proper coping mechanisms such as avoiding stressful situations and abusive people.

Boys should be aware of the distorted societal roles as they are expected to be noisy, playful, violent, and tough. We need to unlearn harmful behaviours, re-educate and eliminate outdated attitudes and expectations.

Mentorship is difficult because there is an unhealthy culture of underachievement and mediocrity which has damaged masculinity. Those who are mentors must realise it is a lifelong experience. Don’t be a temporary mentor and forget about those you train. Keep monitoring and continue to inspire.

Boys can help one another by being their brother’s keeper. They must have a supportive brotherhood circle that keeps in regular contact and offers support during times of crisis or need.

Even though it’s been more than five years since WDBC began, some still feel a sense of failure and frustration. Yes, the WDBC brand is global, but there are still major hurdles.

Boys must value themselves. Every boy must care for his mental, physical, emotional and spiritual health.