Cindy-Ann Lewis-Cuffy, the mother of ultimatums

PARENTING styles differ and are usually dependant on personality and circumstances.

And when it comes to the well-being and safety of her children, Cindy-Ann Lewis-Cuffy loves giving ultimatums, to her children and even the highest of authorities.

Lewis-Cuffy is the mother of three – Nefertiti, Naomi and Akhenaton “Yung Bredda” Lewis. She said she chose their names long before she even had children; at a time she was researching the origin of black people.

“I ended up researching Egypt and came across Nefertiti and fell in love with the name. It means ‘the beautiful one has come,’ so when I had my first daughter I named her Nefertiti.

“Nefertiti’s husband was Akhenaten, so obviously when I had a son I named him Akhenaton.”

She told WMN raising her children was no easy feat, and she especially has had to stand in the gap for her only son on many occasions.

“Raising Kenny was a little tough,” for a number of reasons.

“When he was 15 days old he got his first asthma attack,” the recollection of it momentarily displayed on her face.

“I didn’t know what it was. I was bathing him and he started to turn blue, so I wrapped him in a towel and ran to his aunt’s house with him. She wasn’t living far away.”

Every two weeks after that, she would find herself at the hospital with him, and that went on until her was a year old.

“I remember he spent two weeks in Mt Hope (hospital) and I took him home. He had just started to walk and he fell down. I picked him up, put him on my bed and I knelt next to him and said, ‘Father, you gave me one son and I love him. But I can’t watch him suffer.’ I gave God an ultimatum. ‘Is either you take him; I know I will feel the pain and grieve. But I’d rather you take him and eventually my heart will heal, than you have him suffering. If you don’t take him, heal him! From that day, I wouldn’t say the asthma stopped, but the attacks were fewer.”

Another serious ultimatum would come later in her son’s life, this time for “the bad influences” that tried to take control of him in their Sea Lots community.

“I told them, ‘You want him? You can have him, but you have to kill me first.’ I wasn’t going to let him go. I’d give my life for him.

“I remember many times when he was younger I would wake up at all hours of the morning and he wouldn’t be home.

“I went out in the streets called out ‘Papito’ at every corner. That’s what I used to call him,” she chuckled uncontrollably at the memory.

Lewis-Cuffy is a practising Spiritual Baptist and a member of the The New Jerusalem Spiritual Baptist Church in Sea Lots, and she brought up her children to revere God. So when her son, also known as the King of Steam, began producing “zess” music, she became troubled.

“I didn’t like his music eh; I found it was too vulgar.

“I don’t know if it’s because of the generation, but I don’t like it.

“If you give me soca; yes! I love it,” she leaned back and closed her eyes and smiled as if savouring a sweet soca memory. As the moment passed, she opened her eyes and continued.

I said, ‘Kenny, why don’t you write a gospel song?’ He said, ‘a gospel? and he started to laugh.”

But as mothers are wont to do, she refused to give up on the idea of steering him in a less crude direction.

“Then I saw a shift.” One that took her by surprise but made her extremely proud.

“He started to do songs he wasn’t accustomed doing and I told him, ‘well we getting there. But before I close my eyes; before the Father take me you will write a gospel.’ He will write me a gospel, trust me.

“I appreciate the shift. I was very much surprised, because I asked him ‘Akhenaton, you went to do voice training.”’ He said ‘no Ma.’ I was really surprised and really, really proud.”

She said her son had always been a creative and both she and his grandmother had always supported and tried to nurture this gift.

“He was very miserable in school. I got called in very often, and it was frustrating at the time.

“One teacher in primary school called me one day and told me to get him tested for special needs. He was diagnosed with ADHD because he never sat down; he was always on the move.”

But, she said, his creative skills shone through even then.

“He was always beating on something, so his grandmother and I bought him an African drum when he was seven to try to settle him.

“Then he started writing me poems. He wrote books of poems,” and she regrets not keeping them.

“I told him to put music to it to calm you. Maybe that’s what he did.”

Eventually, she said, he moved away from the poems and did his own music.

She believes her prayers and sacrifices as a mother paved the way for her children’s accomplishments.

“When they were small, I was working at MTS at the time. We lived here in Champs Fleurs so I would wake up at 4 am, make their breakfast, woke them up at 4.30 and gave them their breakfast, organised them for school and by 4.50 for the latest we were out.

“I worked in Chaguaramas, so I took them to their grandmother in Sea Lots, got the 7 am Carenage bus and went to work. On evenings, after school, his sister would pick him up, wait for me at City Gate and we would take the bus to come back home. That was our routine every day.”

Eventually, she said, circumstances led them to move to Sea Lots where her mother lived.

“As a single mother it was hard. At the time my mother helped financially, emotionally and spiritually; she was a big help.

“Between us, we made sure the children had everything they needed.”

She and Naomi eventually returned to Champs Fleurs where her son is in the process of re-building the house. But for her, there are many things that take precedence over that house.

“He said, ‘Ma this is your house.’ But to me, you see where I am here,” she said, looking around at the modest structure in which she now lives, “You see this little piece of thing I’m in here? I’m comfortable.

“I know he will try to do whatever he tells himself will make me happy and comfortable. He has it that when he had nothing, I was the one who was there. If he said ‘Ma I need this,’ I would do without and give him, so he’s trying to do all of this.

“But believe me, all of this doesn’t matter to me.

“Ok, he’s building a house. Great. He’s young, he’ll have his family. But house, that really don’t matter to me. Once my children are happy, contented, I’m good until the Father is ready for me.”

That and being able to take care of her pet children – five dogs and three goats.

“And my husky just had seven pups, so I have things to keep me busy when the day comes.

“I get up, see about my animals, make something to eat, and I’m good. I see my children.

“That is worth more than a house; that’s worth more than a million dollars. I know there are some people my age and they have nobody.

“I know Kenny wants to do so much for me, so I leave him. But in my heart, I’m content.”

She is hopeful that even after she is gone her children will continue to have the close bond she raised them to have.

“ I want all my children to have love for each other, to stand up and defend each other.

“Today or tomorrow I close my eyes, they must be strong. I want them to be able to move things through prayers – a key that can open any doors in your life. I’ve lived it. I want them to have that key; knowing that nothing with God is impossible.”

To the mothers of TT, especially single mother, she encourages them to fight for their children no matter how difficult things may get.

“Yes you can. Sometimes you have to put on a double cap; you have to be a mother, then there are times you have to stand up like a male and show them ‘Aye, I am the parent here.’

“Then there are times when it becomes overwhelming. But if you have to cry, cry; if you have to bawl, bawl; if you have to get down on your knees, do it. But every step say from your heart ‘Jesus help me!’ He told us he would not forsake us.”