Unfinished business

Kanisa George

THROUGHOUT our lives we're destined to experience moments (some more than others) that teach us the value of seeing things through. Formal education, during the early stages of our journey, vociferously preaches the finish-what-you-start maxim, even against the backdrop of various learning abilities. In social situations, having the gall to stick it out and get things done "typically" puts you a cut above the rest and strengthens your claim on life's survivability scale.

Refining the skill of follow-through might be a foolproof way to leverage control over those parts of your life that passively take instructions. As one school of thought puts it, finishing what you start is an impetus that helps us manifest our destiny – ergo, one's inability to complete, despite the numerous challenges faced, is still considered a failure in today's vastly conscious society.

While judgement is sometimes reserved for back-room forums, social media and the glare of societal chastisement often remind us that we should be doing more.

No matter how hard we chart a course to perfection, the unscripted, mercurial manuscript that is life can often be seen drafting messy plot twists to shake things up. And so, naturally, when all is said and done, there are some chapters, some parts of our lives, that we'll never be able to finish.

For instance, it could be a degree that we started but never completed, a dream that partially materialised, then never again saw the light of day, or things left unsaid in a relationship. These are the types of unfinished business that can permanently taint our lives.

How do we positively progress our lives with the shadow of these lurking ghosts in the rear-view, reminding us of our incomplete lives? And how do we discern those tasks that we need to see through?

In psychotherapist Kate Harvey's words, unfinished business refers to past things that our mind has been unable to complete and "file" correctly. They can be insignificant things like a project we started but never had the time to complete or impactful scenarios, like a friendship we left stagnant, and now too much time has elapsed.

We excessively belabour over the grandiosity of the perceived failure, which takes up so much room in our mind, leaving us stuck in our past lives marred by all the things we did not do. It's like our brain works on overdrive, and its ongoing need to remind us of things left undone is what researchers call the Zeigarnik Effect.

The Zeigarnik Effect suggests that our minds are better at remembering tasks we haven't completed than those we have. In other words, our brain is wired to keep reminding us of unfinished tasks, which can be both a blessing and a curse. Understanding this can help us manage our thoughts and emotions better and, ultimately, move forward.

In some ways, things left undone can tremendously affect our lives. And if we cannot shelve them away and look within ourselves, we'll miss the lessons they're tacitly trying to teach us.

The emotions we experience because of things left unsaid and undone can present as jumbled, confusing thoughts and feelings that are hard to manage and heavy to carry around.

It's crucial to identify the tasks we can let go of and those we should strive to complete. As Kate Harvey suggests, we need to find a way to "finish" some tasks; otherwise, we end up in a cycle that drains our energy, time and mental space. This proactive approach can empower us to take control of our unfinished business.

Consider the value of the task. Is it still possible to salvage it? You might realise that some situations are beyond the realm of completion, and the only option is to accept this and move on. Take a moment to reflect on these situations or tasks that cannot be completed. How can you use both the positive and negative elements of the experience to inspire your future journey? Don't let the memory of unfinished business haunt you, but use it as a stepping stone for personal growth.

According to research, the Zeigarnik Effect can be used as a secret weapon to boost productivity, enhance memory, and help us overcome the monster of procrastination for matters within reach. Start by forensically analysing your unfinished task. How much more is needed to reach the end of the road?

Try breaking tasks into smaller units and setting reasonable timelines to achieve them. For example, if you're trying to compete in a marathon, craft your training plan to achieve incremental distances and set a goal to complete this every week. This way, the task doesn't seem as daunting, and you can see your progress more clearly.

Confront the complicated steps. What tools do I need to overcome this mountain? Do I lean on others for support?

Making a mind map of what needs to be done and the support necessary to get to the next stage will lighten the burden and boost your confidence as you move along.

Also, implement strategic reminders. One writer suggests that leveraging reminders and task lists not just as a nudge to do the work, but as a way to keep open tasks in your mind is a perfect motivator to keep you on your toes.

You will always look at your past life and think, "I wish I had seen that through." Or, "Maybe I should have done more to salvage things?"

Be that as it may, don't let those thoughts hinder your progress, for sometimes the only way to live a remarkably full life is to bear the burden of insufferable loss.