Mentoring teens

DR ASHA PEMBERTON

teenhealth.tt@gmail.com

MENTORING A teen is a rewarding and extremely beneficial pursuit. Young people generally seek positive engagement and the approval of trusted adults. Those unable to secure these tend to struggle with self-esteem and may display "acting out" behaviour in different ways.

Mentors serve as guiding lights. The advice, encouragement and support provided to a young person by their mentor help them to navigate the challenges of life with boundaries of safety.

Trust is an essential aspect of mentoring. Young people need to feel the security of privacy and non-judgement in order to fully connect with mentors and share aspects of their lives. Young people who have more challenged teen-parent relationships may be reluctant to fully engage, although often desperate to experience positive adult interactions.

Mentors are not meant to replace parents, nor be friends. Instead they act as another layer of adult protection and guidance, usually in specific domains, during the undulating years of adolescence.

The mechanisms of mentorship vary widely. Some mentors access teens through structured youth groups, faith-based organisations or community projects. Other times, these relationships emerge de novo through meeting family friends.

The critical elements of a mentoring relationship are boundaries and consistency. Young people should understand the role their mentor plays in their lives and the boundaries of the relationship. There may be areas of their lives that are beyond the scope of mentorship, or others that are simply inappropriate for mentors to engage. In order to avoid confusion, these roles should be clarified.

Adults should choose an activity both they and the teen connect to and use this as the platform for meeting and conversing. These need not be excessive or expensive. Allow the teen mentee to be a part of planning, as this shows them that their thoughts and perspectives are valued.

Listening is perhaps the most valuable skill of mentorship. Really listening and understanding when the teen speaks. This requires undivided attention and focus. Frustration in adolescents arises primarily when young people feel isolated, ignored or discounted.

Young people who live in more fragmented homes often do not enjoy parental support in the ways that they need. Their time with mentors may be all they have to have honest conversations, even about trivial matters.

While some mentoring relationships pertain to education, career development or specific skills, others are more general and supportive. Mentors should exercise caution and provide guidance only in the areas they are qualified or have expertise so to do. This requires awareness and mindfulness of their own abilities and the recognition of when they may be potentially embarking upon areas beyond their reach.

Overall, adults who function as mentors have the power to significantly impact the outcome of an adolescent’s life. One of the most impactful resilience-promoting factors in adolescence is the connection to a trusted adult. While parents are the first-line and ideal adults for this role, unfortunately this does not always happen. Consider mentorship as a role that you can play in the life of a tween or teen, toward the positive development of youth and emerging young adults in our society.