Peer dynamics in early adolescence

Asha Pemberton

SOCIAL development is a critical pillar of adolescence. It is normal and expected that in general, young people desire to spend more time with friends as they navigate the nuances of peer relationships. In our context, this “time” is both in-person and online.

This can begin as early as age ten, which can be unsettling for some parents. In addition issues surrounding friends, including disagreements, changing dynamics or feeling excluded occupy significant spaces in the minds of young people.

If not healthily managed, peer dynamics can cause significant distress for young people, particularly those who have challenges making and maintaining friendships.

Online networking has provided a platform through which young people communicate. It is the native language of early adolescents, aged from ten to 13.

There are clear risks associated with long hours of device time; including access to adults (as opposed to teens) and other potentially unsavoury content. This concept is perhaps the most challenging that parents have to contend with; finding the balance between reasonable time spent online connecting with friends versus idling away hours of mindless scrolling.

There is no easy answer. Parents should remember that quality friendships have the power to positively influence the self-esteem, communication skills and relationship capacities of young people. This must be leveraged against the risks of bullying, manipulation and emotional abuse which can occur in unsupervised online spaces.

Younger adolescents require the guidance of parents to teach them the skills required to build and maintain positive and supportive friendships. They also require parents to model appropriate online behaviour and teach them how to navigate communication, nuance and emotional intelligence in a space where so many aspects of traditional communication are absent.

Young people will “say” things online that they will not act upon in person. Conversely they sometimes behave in one manner in reality but have a very different online presence.

There is much to learn and unpack. While it takes time and consistent effort, it is possible for parents to remain closely connected with their young people and so be engaged in their online activities. By forging this connection, early adolescents feel more comfortable sharing the conversations and content they are exposed to, allowing parents to interface and guide as appropriate.

The majority of young people will want to engage in peer connections, however some will be less interested. Tweens who are thriving, quiet and content may not have any emotional health concerns. They may simply have personalities which have a less intense requirement for friendship.

Some early adolescents, may have known or undiagnosed social developmental concerns. Sometimes these young people want to make friends, but have challenges doing so. In those cases, there can be angst and distress surrounding disrupted relationships. These young people cannot understand why things seem to go wrong and can even become manipulative or near desperate to create friendships.

These signs should not be ignored. They can indicate the desire to connect but others issues that impair the process which may need attention and intervention.

During early adolescence it is recommended that young people have a range of experiences and exposures through which they can connect with different young people.

While their school spaces often provide some diversity, parents are encouraged to seek other opportunities in sport, culture, creative pursuits and divinity to allow their early adolescents to meet other young people. The wider the range of exposure the more likely they can forge real connections and more importantly learn how to integrate and respect others.

This is the hallmark of friendship. Particularly in early adolescence, friendships can be fleeting. This does not take away from the hurt and disappointment that young people feel when they end. Parental involvement and supervision are important but should not be intrusive. It is a delicate balance, but one which should be pursued during the early years of adolescent development.