The art of showing up

Kanisa George

THERE IS NO shortage of wellness programmes, self-help guides or mental health campaigns that preach the value of showing up. Used to achieve, among other things, focus and inner peace, this concept forms part of a trending metric that helps evaluate one's quality of life. "Showing up for yourself and others." What does this even mean?

At first, no matter how hard I tried to apply this notion, I struggled to see the advice as nothing more than a non-plussed sound bite. Isn't the very act of remaining focused, making positive life choices and trying to achieve my goals showing up for myself? It seems like such an irony, at least in my view, that we were schooled to believe that showing up for ourselves equalled hard work, sacrifice and preservation, only to be told, "Wait, hold on, you've been doing the thing all wrong!"

I am slowly beginning to understanding the concept, but for some time (far longer than I'd hoped), I have wrestled with the painful truism, "Where did we go wrong?"

It's difficult for many of us to even begin to understand what it means to show up for ourselves, and it may be because we're so caught up in trying to deconstruct what we think we should be doing.

You might ask, "Well, what's so wrong with trying to figure that out? Isn't trying to determine your next move the point of life?" And the easy answer is yes.

But there is a mysterious paradox etched in the bosom of our reality.

When we attempt to focus on what we should be doing, we often fail to engage in internal dialogue and can sometimes take ourselves out of the conversation.

One writer surmises that truly "showing up" coalesces our resolve, motivation, attention, behaviour and choices.

Showing up goes far beyond what we were taught about "achievements" and involves proper knowledge of ourselves while also engaging in conscious preparation.

Because we are so used to trivialising any concept involving well-crafted self-care and self-compassion, it is not difficult to imagine that you, like me, struggle with what is required when tasked with showing up for yourself.

Dr Denise Fournier, PhD, LMHC, a clinical therapist and adjunct professor at Nova Southeastern University, explains: "When you consider the idea of showing up for yourself, especially from a mental health perspective, it is all about making your own needs – be they practical, physical, emotional, or spiritual – a priority, and knowing that unless you show up for yourself, you can't fully show up for anyone or anything else."

It boils down to confronting truths about yourself and finding room to fully acknowledge, deconstruct and make space for the vulnerable, needy parts of yourself amid everything life demands from us.

How often do you ask yourself, "What do I want?" "What do I need?" "Where can I get support?"

On any given day, most of us are sadly incapable of defining our emotional state of mind or, unfortunately, cannot console our vulnerabilities. Showing up for yourself requires intense consultation, where you are brave enough to ask yourself, "What am I doing to feed my soul?

When we make time to consult ourselves, search for answers and, in turn, give in to our needs and desires, we show ourselves far more self-love than any spa day or glass of wine can achieve.

Rachel Wilkerson Miller, author of The Art of Showing Up: How to Be There for Yourself and Your People, recommends dissecting how you're using your time to help you figure out what you value and make changes based on what's revealed.

This self-auditing exercise helps us pinpoint our most valuable resources and capitalise on how best they can work for us and our development.

Showing up for oneself looks different for everyone and can change over time. In short, it really is about honouring yourself and being your greatest advocate and supporter. Whether this is achieved by carving out more time to do the things you love, practising positive self-talk or journaling, the important thing is that we remain committed to giving our inner selves a voice, accepting what it says about where we are on our journey, and giving ourselves the space to be heard and loved.

Ultimately, no matter how much of ourselves we give to others, our careers or those goals we desperately seek to accomplish, we cannot achieve holistic living unless we walk in tandem with our most authentic selves. And I guess that is what it means to show up for yourself.