The principles of gentle parenting

PARENTING IS both an art and a science. Modern parenting evolves alongside the changing culture of the day. Currently there are numerous classifications, categories and descriptions of the “ideal” parenting approach to best nurture children and young people into fully functioning and happy adults.

While there is no one style that perfectly applies to everyone, a concept that is gaining momentum in this moment is gentle parenting. The absolute antithesis of classic authoritarian Caribbean parenting, there are benefits to this more avant-guard method toward supporting healthy teen development.

Gentle parenting focuses on fostering a strong parent-teen relationship based on empathy, understanding and mutual respect. It prioritises the creation of a nurturing and supportive environment that facilitates the emotional, intellectual and decision-making capacities of young people.

While on the surface a more brazen do-as-I-say style appears to yield immediate response and parental satisfaction, some authors contend that it takes away from the ability of young people to assess their emotions and make rational decisions when they are required to do so independently.

Gentle parenting involves creating the space for young people to come to terms with the situations and facts before them, learn through the guidance and communication from parents but all within boundaries and limits for their own protection.

The principles of gentle parenting

Mutual respect: Gentle parenting emphasises treating children, adolescents and emerging young adults with respect and recognising them as individuals with their own thoughts, feelings and needs. As teenagers navigate the world around them, parents must give them the respect and space to enter into situations and respect the decisions that they make.

Empathy: Parents practising gentle parenting strive to understand and empathise with the perspective of their teens. They are required to view the world through the eyes of their children by acknowledging their emotions and validating their feelings. This can be particularly challenging for parents who consider the concerns of their young people to be trite or irrelevant.

However, for parents to truly connect and support their young people, they (young people) must feel empathy from their parents.

Effective and consistent communication: Open and honest communication is crucial in gentle parenting. Parents aim to listen actively, communicate clearly, and encourage their teens to express themselves. This requires an environment of openness and non-judgement, which can also be challenging for parents who cannot connect with or understand the style, identity or interests of their young people.

Positive discipline: Instead of punitive measures, gentle parenting focuses on positive discipline strategies. They include setting clear boundaries, teaching problem-solving skills, and using natural consequences to guide behaviour.

Locally, our classic parenting approach centres on applying punishment and thereby teaching young people to avoid certain actions out of fear.

Current thought is that such approaches deny young people from understanding the reasons behind decisions and simply learn to act out of fear.

When older and less supervised they may be at higher risk of making poor decisions due to a lack of reasoning skills, or because they no longer have the menacing threats of parents around them.

From this perspective, positive discipline is thought to be more aligned with modern adolescent and young adult development. Considering the multiple exposures, enticements and options available to them; in person, online and throughout life.

Consistency and modelling: Perhaps the most significant aspect of a gentle parenting approach is the recognition that young people will learn from the adults around them. This is an opportunity for adults to take stock of their own actions.

How do you manage times of stress? Do you resort to alcohol, substances or binge eating to cope? What is your current spiritual or mindfulness practice? Answers to all of these questions will give insight into what your young people see and learn and how they are likely to pattern their own lives.

As we continue into a new month and new year, when goal setting and resolutions are topical, it is wise to take a moment to simply consider the parenting approaches that you have with young people and use this opportunity to shift or model your craft using some principles of gentle parenting where possible.