The nightmare before Christmas

THE EDITOR: It was like any other morning. But something was different; it was one of those intangibles I could not immediately put my finger or thoughts on – more of a lightness in the aura. My first realisation that this was no ordinary morning was when I turned on the bathroom faucet and instead of the trickle that I was accustomed to a gush of water startled me. I immediately turned it off. Something was amiss. Was there a flood that occurred during my slumber?

I ran to the window and cautiously peered through the blinds at the front of the house. From my slightly elevated vantage point I could see several homes. From the daylight creeping over the horizon a serene landscape greeted me. Still, it was too perfect. I ran from window to window to get a complete picture of the scenery. People were stirring, and nothing was amiss.

I cautiously opened the front door and took in a breath of the deliciously cool morning December breeze. Neighbours passing by greeted each other with salutations and best wishes. This, indeed, was not the same place where I went to sleep, one where everyone was afraid of being robbed and murdered, where doors were tightly shuttered and windows were protected by burglar proofing, where every car backfire sent everyone scampering for cover, and where strangers were viewed with suspicion.

While chatting with my next-door neighbour, I asked him about his water supply. As perfect as ever, he replied. He looked at me quizzically, "What happened to you? Are you having a Rip Van Winkle episode?" He smiled.

I suddenly realised what was strange about the landscape. I looked around me and there were no more unsightly water tanks in everyone's yards; the water came directly from the mains into our homes. In place of the tanks there were pristine lawns and gardens. I told my friend about my nightmarish water woes where we only had water intermittently – if we were lucky – and many had no water for weeks or months.

"That must have been some nightmare." He chuckled. "We have not had problems with water since we became an independent nation. The ANR took care of that as soon as they won the election." I was surprised. "ANR?" I asked. "Yes, the Altruistic Nationwide Referendum party. Then, during the 1973 oil boom, we had enough money to make every citizen rich beyond our wildest dreams."

But what about the People's National Movement?" My friend explained it: The PNM was a bust when people discovered they were only in it for themselves. After that, TT's economy soared into the stratosphere. Citizens became so rich that we had to import labour from other islands, Guyana and Venezuela. We had fast light rail systems that took us everywhere, significantly reducing our need for cars, which improved air quality. Crime became so insignificant that there was no need to lock our doors or to carry guns for protection. Most of the security companies went out of business. Our jails were downsized.

Furthermore, there were no more stray dogs and cats, as the authorities began a mandatory spay and neuter programme and outlawed backyard breeders and inhumane treatment of all animals. All dogs and cats had to be licensed and microchipped to locate them if they got lost.

Moreover, forex was never a problem as foreign currency was easily obtained at any bank without limits. All international businesses were eager to open branches in TT. Our healthcare was rated on par with the US. Our roads were the best in the world, with nationwide teams working to fix any problems that arose.

Our schools were so well financed that there was no need to decide which was the best for our children. From the smallest school district to the cities, they were all equally funded. School buses picked up children from their homes and deposited them safely at schools.

Politicians lived altruistically; gentility in Parliament set a tone of civility for the rest of the nation. Our magnanimity and politeness became world-renowned, and tourism soared as cruise ships lined up to see how sophisticated people could set a sterling example of what can be accomplished when politicians are no longer in charge – citizens are.

Then I woke up and realised it was just a heavenly dream; our reality is an existential nightmare that will never end if we stay the course on our nightmarish downward slope.

REX CHOOKOLINGO

rexchook@gmail.com