Changing negative behaviours by inspiration

Motivational speaking is one tool that could help people change their behaviour, even violent or criminal behaviour, but it has its limits.

Clinical psychologist and secretary of the Trinidad and Tobago Association of Psychologists Victoria Siewnarine-Geelalsingh said motivational speaking has two delivery methods, with one being more effective than the other.

One is when the speaker minimises people’s problems and believes they could give solutions to any problem, saying things like, “Just get up. Just do it.”

But, she said, change is not as easy as “just,” as it requires thought and behaviour change, the regulation of emotions and generally a lot of intentional effort.

“There are some motivational speakers whose delivery methods seem as though they're attacking you or challenging you to change your behaviour. And depending on the personality of the person receiving it, that could be problematic,” she told Sunday Newsday.

The method that produces more positive outcomes is the one in which the speaker has overcome challenges and genuinely wants to help others make it through their challenges. They show others the possibilities of what could be, and want to spread hope.

Siewnarine-Geelalsingh said the criminal mindset of most people stems from a feeling of a lack of control in their environment and/or a low sense of self-worth. At some point in their lives they were often rejected, neglected or blamed for things that were not their fault.

“The lack of control probably comes from being bullied by those who would have been the authority figures or the primary caregivers in their own lives when they were younger.

“Probably they were told what to do, they were told how to do it, their emotions were not validated or they were called names when they were much younger. They had no control in their environment.”

As they grew older, sought control of other things, which may have resulted in bullying, conduct disorders, juvenile delinquency and general disregard for others, which may become worse as they get older.

In addition, people with low self-worth usually have a low sense of self-competence and are less likely to try because they believe they cannot succeed. If they need something, they may not believe they can ask for and get it without being harassed or abused. As a result, in order to protect themselves, they take instead of asking.

“The first time, it would have started as a thought. And this thought rehearses until there's courage. And when there's courage, then that thought manifests into behaviours. And the first time they do it, it's sort of the icebreaker. It becomes easier every time after that.

“So what we see as this criminal being this confident, bad, mean, hostile, don't-care-about-people kind of person, starts off as a very weak, taken-advantage-of, made-to-feel-inferior, inadequate and unimportant, rejected person. In their minds, that was what they had to do.”

Siewnarine-Geelalsingh said three things need to happen in the minds of the audience for behaviour modification. They need to feel a sense of belonging, that someone understands them; they need an alternative perspective, a glimpse of what they could have been and done; and they need hope.

Even with those key ingredients, issues such as language and delivery, environment, and mental and emotional challenges can limit the effectiveness of motivational speaking.

She said some people may not have issues severe enough to be diagnosed, but everyone has mental challenges at some point. They have to be willing and ready to look at and examine themselves.

Also, she said, someone could be trying their best to do what is right but those around them could antagonise, pressure or otherwise try to derail the one trying to improve, pulling them back into a criminal or violent lifestyle.

“So if you're unable to change your environment, as much as you want to, as much as you try, as much motivation as you have, as many opportunities you have, the environment has a way of pulling you back in, especially if it's a matter of survival.”

In addition, it is often difficult for people who tried very hard to be loved and accepted to put themselves in a vulnerable position again.

For example, she said, a class bully or troublemaker could build up the courage to do something good, but someone may make a sarcastic comment or their efforts may be ignored, making them feel stupid or embarrassed.

“So what that means is the little effort that they mustered up all of their courage to try to change was shut down. They made themselves vulnerable and then they became embarrassed.

“This is why therapy is so important, because in the therapeutic space, it's actually a safe environment where people can practice alternate behaviours. It is extremely important in rehabilitating a lot of the youths who engage in oppositional or criminal behaviour.”

In her sessions she practices role-playing exercises exploring the possible reactions of those around her client and appropriate responses, so when it happens in real life, it does not throw them off because they have a practised response ready.

She believes that, in treating crime, youths especially should be treated with empathy and compassion rather than punishment and consequences.

One person willing to speak to and encourage youths in general is the mother of soca star Machel Montano, Elizabeth “Lady” Montano.

At the Tobago launch of her book King of Soca – A biography of Machel Montano, at the Scarborough Library on November 30, Montano, a former teacher, said she is willing to be part of the Ministry of Education’s initiative to enrol expelled students in the Milat (Military-Led Academic Training) programme.

“I want to tell her (Education Minister Dr Nyan Gadsby-Dolly) that I will like to do a reading for them, and again, I want to stress the idea of values. I want to tell them that poverty should not be an excuse and how important education is.

“It is because of education I am where I am and because of education is where Machel is, and you don’t need any money to be educated, really, and I would like to do that.”

Montano told Sunday Newsday Milat is just one of the groups with which she would like to work. She said many of them had sacrificed their free education and she wanted to impress upon them that they should appreciate it, respect it and make use of it, because many people do not have the opportunity to attend school.

“My aim is to inspire young people or let them know what it took for Machel to be successful. It seems to inspire people, knowing that they could do something like this.”

Montano is willing to work with and listen to anyone who would invite her, targeting the youth and those responsible for them.

She said she recently gave a reading from her book with ARC Co-Create, a community-centric space for activists in Tunapuna, where she had an intimate session with young people. There she realised they wanted help, they wanted to understand and they did not realise they could accomplish their goals.

“But I believe after my reading to and speaking to them, they felt confident that they could go forward and develop their potential.”

At her readings, she talks about the importance of teaching children core values. She stressed that no one, adult or child, is perfect, but if parents instil morals and values during children’s “foundation years,” they would see the results at some point.

“Sometimes we blame the youths for being a certain way, but when you look back, what was the example that was set? Who was guiding this child? Who did they depend on?”

She said she wants to share her knowledge and experiences as a manager, teacher, guidance officer and as a parent who dedicated most of her life to raising her children and the children of others, and as a person who made a concerted effort with her husband Monty, to raise children by teaching them things they should know.

Some of the life lessons she wishes to impart and believes should be taught to children from a young age is to be humble and, if you want something, you have to work hard for it, but the best does not always win.

She said life has never been a straight and narrow path. Everyone, including her and her family, has ups and downs, and failures and successes. Her children were taught to be resilient, never to be disappointed and be prepared to accept any outcome.

She said everyone has strengths and weaknesses, so it is important not to judge, even though people would judge you.

“Know your truth. Do not take on what somebody else says about you. We are responsible for who we are, what we do, and nobody else. Everything comes from within. We are responsible for our happiness.”

Montano does not just read from her book, but tells stories around the reading and is open to questions, thoughts and comments. She tells about experiences she and her family had, and gives people the truth.

“I discovered at some of my readings that people feel we are special or different or whatever. Some people thought we were not approachable. There were different perceptions people had of us.

"But, in the readings and talking to them, they realised we came from humble beginnings and we just like them. We just like everybody else – just a member of society.

“We might have done things differently, we might have stood out, but we not different. I just do what I have to do. I’m just Liz Montano.”

She would also like to share her knowledge in communities where Machel lived, worked or attended school, where she worked and in some rural areas.

“Now, at 73, I don’t really have much to do. I have been retired as Machel’s manager since 2014 and I have now been able to do things I couldn’t do when I was involved in raising my sons, managing Machel and Farmer Nappy and the others, and taking charge of the entertainment part of our lives.”

She said she does not do it for any monetary gain, but for the pleasure and satisfaction in knowing she could help even one person; that she could inspire them and help them realise their potential.

“If you could contribute to people’s success, then you are successful.”