The journey to kindness

Culture Matters

Dara E Healy

When people do you wrong

And they try to pull you down

Whenever they slander your name

Embarrass you and bring you shame

Kill them with kindness

Show them no malice

Show them more loving

Make this a world of forgiveness

With peace and love

– Explainer

I WAS NOT aware of it at the time, but it seems I have always had examples of kindness around me. Sharing meagre resources to ensure that children from families in need could go to school, feeding less-privileged children and showing concern for the community were normal aspects of the rhythm of life in our family.

To be honest, as a young person, such acts of giving and community work sometimes felt tedious and intrusive. However, as World Kindness Day was observed earlier this week, I reflected on those early rituals and wondered, in our increasingly turbulent world, how can we make kindness a norm rather than the exception?

Kindness is a soft word with a powerful impact. It means being caring, generous or considerate. Similar words include compassion, empathy, neighbourliness and humanity. Researchers have found that acts of kindness or compassion positively affect us, whether mentally, emotionally or physically.

Formal research aside, when someone is kind to you it makes you feel empowered, appreciated and valued. On the other hand, it feels good to allow someone with one item to go ahead of you in the supermarket or not block the driver attempting to exit a side street.

Yet why is it so difficult to be kind? It may surprise you that this is a challenge even in the arts. Although the creative sector has been described as essential for fostering “empathy, kindness and cross-cultural understanding,” there is still unhealthy competition, theft of ideas and lack of professional respect.

In retrospect, I have met few people in my creative life that I would consider genuinely kind. Astor Johnson was one. As a student, I always felt that he wanted us to embody dance as transformation. Beyond technique, it was important to him that we understood how to ground and interpret the work. His vision for dance meant that he chose his words carefully and was patient when he needed to correct us.

Kindness is therefore as much about leadership as it is about demonstrating compassion. Respectful leaders are often more successful than those who lead by fear or divide-and-rule tactics. That is because they create environments that nurture and support the growth of the people in the organisation. As someone recently shared on my social media, good leaders are not focused on being the leader, but on making a difference.

Evidence shows that a more caring attitude also leads to greater stability and productivity in business and work environments. There is less employee turnover, and a reduction of toxic work environments.

Kindness at home is crucial for decreasing hostility, lack of communication and violence in families. It is the foundation of better parenting and understanding how to manage conflict.

Is it possible to teach people how to be kind? Absolutely.

A major aspect of learning more compassion is practising true listening and observation. This means really paying attention to what the other person is saying, instead of waiting to make your point. Observation has to do with non-verbal cues – if they seem tired, distracted or upset, then that is not the time to have an in-depth conversation. You may opt instead to offer a soothing cup of tea or say something amusing.

It is important to offer genuine support. People appreciate when you take the time to share words of wisdom or comfort to help them see the positive aspect of a difficult situation. Kindness can also be taught to children from a young age. Encourage them to play with the new person in class, to share their book or crayons or to help tidy up without being asked.

The forgiveness that Explainer sang about is undoubtedly one of the most challenging aspects of becoming a kinder person, although with time and wisdom it is possible. But perhaps the biggest hurdle of all is being kind to yourself. It is difficult to be empathetic to others when you lack peace and balance in your own space.

Make kindness part of your daily ritual. Not only will it get easier, but you might discover that it is actually cool to be kind.

Dara E Healy is a performance artist and founder of the Indigenous Creative Arts Network – ICAN