How to parent as a team

Dr Asha Pemberton

teenhealth.tt@gmail.com

PARENTING CAN be challenging. This is even more so when parents disagree on methods, approaches and styles. Regardless of family structure, when parents are not aligned when childcare is considered, the potential for tension and turmoil is amplified.

Parents learn things about themselves through the very process of parenting. When mindfulness techniques are applied, there are many opportunities for learning and growth. Overall, to support young people most holistically, parenting works best when parents, guardians or carers involved all work as a team.

In many instances each parent has radically different parenting styles, while other parents are navigating the waters of co-parenting across the divide of divorce or separation. Sometimes there are single parents who rely on friends or family members for support, and those adults hold very different parenting approaches.

All in all, young people are best served by adults who genuinely seek their best intentions and who are able to work together functionally through the challenges of adolescence and emerging young adulthood.

Parenting as a team means stepping away from a right-or-wrong mindset and seeing the value that each team member brings. It means learning to have teen-focused conversations that put aside individual differences and focus on constructive solutions. This starts with understanding.

Parenting can be difficult and no one parents is "always" correct and the other "always wrong." Parents are encouraged to take a literal step back in times of angst to reconcile their own emotions and accusations that may be directed to the other party, which blur their objectivity toward the matter at hand.

Appreciation: The rigours of modern life are many and adults face the real issues of fatigue, frustration and burnout. In time of strife it is important for parents to appreciate the value, time and support of other parents and parenting figures in the lives of their teens. Everyone needs support and times of respite.

Despite disagreements, parental relationships are served when each feels actively appreciated for their contributions to parenting.

Non-judgement: All parents refine their craft based upon their own experiences of being parented. For most, this happens almost on auto-pilot. While it is easy to point an accusatory finger at a partner you disagree with, it is more effective holistically to adopt an approach of non-judgement and acceptance for their perspectives.

When parents take the time to truly understand the lens through which co-parents view situations, there is a space created for healing and positive movement.

Most importantly, young people are quite skilled at finding the cracks within parental approaches. When parents disagree loudly or are inconsistent, it sets the stage for opportunities for young people to be inadequately parented. This shows itself typically in high-risk situations.

By taking private opportunities to discuss disagreements, away from young people, and then presenting a united front, an important message is sent regarding a team approach, mutual respect and unity, which makes any approach or intervention that much more powerful.