The value of talking to a psychiatrist

World Mental Health Day is observed annually on October 10. This year’s theme is, Mental health is a universal human right.

This means we have a right to the highest attainable standard of mental health. This includes access to psychological support services and talk-therapies without stigma and victimisation.

As a counselling psychologist, I strongly believe this day and theme is an opportunity to raise awareness and enhance knowledge of what it means to talk to a psychologist to protect one’s mental health as a universal human right.

Have you ever wondered what it means to talk to a psychologist? Talking to a friend or family member can be helpful, but it simply may not be enough. Sometimes we need something more…a skilled, trained and qualified mental health professional.

There may be aspects of ourselves and our behaviour that we aren’t fully aware of, or haven’t understood that will never be explored with those closest to us, yet it impacts our daily lives.

The truth is it takes a skilled, trained listener to help us explore the reasons behind the behaviours exhibited, our limiting core beliefs, dysregulated emotions, coping mechanisms, and so much more.

We may wonder, how is talking to a psychologist any different to talking to a friend or family member? What makes it therapeutic? What benefit will I get from committing time and energy to sessions? Is it worth my money?

These are all valid questions and are rooted from a place of uncertainty.

You may think that a psychologist is just another person to talk to, but that’s not quite true. A psychologist, like myself, would have spent many years in training and engages with evidence-based practices and techniques to help you process, explore, cope and make sense of your internal world and life experiences.

Psychologists may also possess inherent personality characteristics; which research consistently shows help to build the therapeutic relationship. These may be warmth, care, patience, empathy, congruence and understanding.

Such traits help to create a sense of safety to explore deeper rooted childhood issues, that possibly affect your adult experiences and inter-personal relationships.

To reduce societal stigma, self-stigma and increase access to therapy, the following are a few fundamental differences between having a conversation as opposed to having therapy.

• Therapy is all about you. It is consistent, time-limited and follows a clear process. Friendship is a two-way process of mutually sharing experiences with no clear process.

• A psychologist won’t interrupt your flow. We know the pacing of when to let you talk, when to let you sit in silence and when to step in and gently challenge you. A friend may interrupt to know more, and ask questions so that they feel they are making a difference.

• A psychologist will accept your experiences as you understand them and strive to put themselves in your shoes to empathise. Friends, with good intentions, want to connect with you, hence they too will share their experiences, but this takes away from your own pain and suffering which can lead to frustration or guilt if their experience is worse than yours.

• A psychologist will ask skilled questions to help you focus on important aspects of your experiences. They are trained to zone in on those single words amongst all the others, that are vitally important for exploring core limiting beliefs. A friend may not have this skill set.

• Psychologists help you to identify and explore emotions in a safe environment. With friends we tend to remain composed and suppress our emotions, but this tends to cause more harm.

• Psychologists allow you to sit with your sadness, unless it is unhealthy, then we will delicately offer you the opportunity for change, and a hope for feeling different. Often friends try to cheer you up, but this tends to invalidate your sadness and pain.

• Psychologists are trained to emotionally attune and respond appropriately to your psychological distress. Friends or family may not know how to respond to your distress leaving you to feel alone, uncared for or

even self-blame.

• Psychologists aim to offer a non-judgmental attitude to your thoughts, feelings, beliefs, attitudes and behaviours, whereas with others, you may feel judged.

• Therapy allows you to be open and honest with yourself, as your psychologist will not know anything about you or the people you talk about. With those close to us, we tend to filter and not be as free and open due to fear of judgement.

• Psychologists are trained to summarise and reflect what you express. We identify patterns from previous sessions which, when heard coming from someone else can help you see and hear it differently. This offers immense clarity.

• A psychologist offers safety and security through strict adherence to confidentiality.

In summary, relationships with friends, family, coworkers, church communities etc play a pivotal and supportive role in a person's general well-being. They don’t however offer the indulgence of focusing entirely on yourselves, the time to explore your innermost thoughts and feelings, the opportunity to be truly heard or the space to find a better understanding of yourselves on a more conscious level.

Dr Krystal-Jane Verasammy is a counselling psychologist with 13 years experience. She is the founder and managing director of Therapeutic Spaces Counselling and Psychotherapy Ltd. She can be reached at: therapeuticspaces2019@gmail.com