Expressing your most authentic self

Kanisa George

WHO WE are and who we want to become dominate our thoughts, influence our behaviour and can even inform who we allow to be part of our lives. In a nutshell, it informs our inherent need to belong.

As soon as we are able to understand the self-concept narrative, we quickly assume our place at the starting line in a haste to make sense of it all. But understanding yourself is a lifelong journey that takes grit and a massive dose of insightful thinking.

The self-discovery process is imperative to our overall development, for as we develop we are forced to examine our identity up close and learn to manage the many ways to express ourselves.

Self-expression encapsulates the ability to use your thoughts and what appeals to you to express your feelings. To many, self-expression is merely articulating one's personality or asserting one's traits. But at the root of it, self-expression allows us to understand ourselves and process our emotions.

Research by Bellah, Madsen, Sullivan, Swidler & Tipton, 1985, strongly advocates the importance of self-expression through individualism. Because we are programmed from birth to express ourselves to meet our survival and social needs, developing apt self-expression skills could add beauty and colour to our experience, underscored by human connection.

In their study titled "Express Yourself": Culture and the Effect of Self-Expression on Choice, they highlighted that one important aspect of individualism is called "expressive individualism," which allows individuals to express their inner thoughts and feelings in order to realise their individuality.

When we are in tune with who we are, navigating our relationships with others becomes easier regardless of their complexities and varying shades. This perspective supports the findings of numerous studies that suggest self-expression plays a significant role in developing our capacity to relate to others and engage in deep relationships. The closer we are to managing our personalities and feeling confident in our ability to express ourselves, we tap into a greater self-awareness that improves our mood, cognition and behaviour.

Because self-expression is far more than how we communicate what we think and feel, the inability to exercise this function properly can negatively impact our mental health and well-being.

Adult, teen and child counsellor Janine Hodge wrote that when we have the freedom and confidence to say what we truly believe and feel, and when our actions align with our beliefs and values, we are more likely to experience good mental health, connection and well-being. The link between well-being and self-expression can only be forged if authentic self-expression is at play.

It is believed that authentic self-expression enhances our well-being when compared to adapted and conditioned self-expression. At the same time, adopted and conditioned self-expression creates an environment that undermines our independence, rendering us prisoners to the validation train. When self-expression falls short of authenticity, it results in denial of one's experience or reality.

Disconnecting from oneself makes it extremely difficult to make sense of the world and others (Rogers 1957). This is mainly due to our failure to craft a metaphoric lens reflecting our thoughts, views and experiences.

While, arguably, the importance of self-expression is often overstated, many of us cannot express our authentic selves, and it is not uncommon for people to hide their true feelings and, by extension, their true selves. Developing authentic self-expression as a child may be particularly difficult for several reasons, but in most cases it can be blamed on festering, toxic insecurities.

In her research, psychologist Karen Sosnoski found that some people avoid self-expression, even in their most intimate relationships, for fear of being dismissed or shamed.

She believes that when someone is actively suppressing their feelings or going out of their way not to discuss specific topics, avoidance kicks in, creating communication problems that can strain relationships.

How, then, do we express our most authentic selves?

Who we are or how we view ourselves is influenced by the external world and our experiences. When we amalgamate the two, an internal belief system is created that helps create the picture of "you."

Understanding your belief system and how this impacts what you express is a perfect starting point. Rediscovering your beliefs, identifying moral values and making a clear mental note of what you stand for puts into perspective the underlying theme of what you want to present to the world.

Psychologists suggest considering the following questions: What are your likes and dislikes? What does respect mean to you, and where do you draw the line? This helps to separate your beliefs and values from others and allows you to express your views rather than try to mirror what someone else is doing.

Once you are clear on your belief system, find ways to communicate this to others. Of course, verbal communication is the most practical option, but it might not always be the easiest. Self-expression takes many forms, so start with what comes easiest to you and work your way onwards.

Finally, be your greatest advocate. No one is better equipped at understanding your feelings and experience like you. By this logic, you are the best-suited person to express your needs, desires and interests. Don't get caught up in always wanting to be liked. Be clear on what your needs are and respectfully make them known. Don't feel forced to shift your perspective simply because you are afraid of confrontation, but even with this in mind, be open to differing views and potentially altering beliefs that no longer serve you.

Self-expression can be challenging, but experiencing life without fully coming into yourself can make the journey void of connection and genuine happiness.

Perhaps authentic self-expression is worth more than you think. It may be just what you need to ensure a positive, healthier relationships with yourself and others.