Eat like it’s for living

Here is a shard of truth: if I think long enough and hard enough about what I think about when I think about food, what I’ll find is that I’m really thinking about people.

But that is a deep, deep-down thought. When I think about food, what I think about is food.

I should not think about food as much as I do because that way lies obsession and egg rolls. So many egg rolls.

It wasn’t an issue when I was younger and no matter what I ate my weight stayed exactly where I asked it to, like an obedient dog. Now, I’m at a stage at which if I see a live cow, my body instantly converts it to burger calories, no questions asked. Now, if I were to drive through a cane field, I’d dive out as a human cloud of cotton candy.

But I decided a time ago that too many things were stacked against me in this fight, and I never get into a fight I can’t win. My weight is not a health risk, and yes, I’m trying to keep it that way. And once I can keep it that way, I am going to eat in a way that makes me happy.

You know how some people really take pride in the way they dress? And they say they do it because of how it makes them feel and not to impress or influence others? That’s me and food.

With food I am happy, confident, filled and fulfilled, destressed, and a little proud of myself. And sometimes – incredibly – just fun. Because I love it. I love cooking. I love the doingness and experimentation and really good music (because you must have really good music and it must be the right music).

I miss having the time to do things like try to make butter. Or mints. I miss having a kitchen covered in milk or blood (yes, blood) or cheese.

I also make normal, edible things. Those are some of the best. But in my heart, I want adventure and good butchering equipment.

There is the therapy of it, anyone can tell you that. Whether it’s comfort food or cooking for comfort, there is much to hear, read and see on the matter. If you can knead dough, separate an egg or focus on the colour of a stew, you can keep your mind off a hundred bad things and on one good thing for a little while.

Food is all about joyous verbs. However you come by it – cooking or credit card – all roads lead to eating.

And verily I say unto you, no, you should never eat just because you have to. That is for people in desperate circumstances like those on life support or in outer space.

I know people who do that and I want to help them. I want to tell them they don’t have to live like that. There is world of cream and mushrooms, spices we’ve not tried, teas we’ve not tasted, fruit we’ve not had since childhood, ice creams that seem old-fashioned that are making a comeback. That you can do things with a duck other than curry it.

And you want to eat because it’s three o’clock and you’re supposed to?

Food is a wonderful thing. Food is a privilege. Maybe that’s why I don’t like people taking it for granted or treating it as an irrelevance or tedium. I know they have their reasons, and of the ones of which I am aware, I think they all can be talked through.

This world was not built on the sharing of food both in celebration and times of sorrow so we could decide that the idea of community no longer needed food, all it needed was a committee and a security booth.

We share food with the ones we love. We share it with the ones we want to support, thank, welcome. We share with those who have less.

In the language of food, I see all the things I want to say about the world and the human condition. I can talk about everything that has ever been unfair in the history of ever. I can say how that applies to one group more than another.

Most of all, I always know that being able to use food – through cooking, writing about food, and talking about what it represents – has kept me fairly sane for quite some time.

Think of that the next time you see someone storm away from an argument and head for the kitchen.

Remember to talk to your doctor or therapist if you want to know more about what you read here. In many cases, there’s no single solution or diagnosis to a mental health concern. Many people suffer from more than one condition.