The Corner of Courage: How to rule the single life?

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'We are taught that romantic relationships represent an endgame and are an accurate marker of a well-lived life. That might be true for some of us, but for others who choose to remain single or are single for reasons beyond their control, meaning must be found in other realms of life'

Kanisa George

SINGLETON defines your youth. It’s a period of self-discovery where you learn a lot about who you are and what type of person you might want to spend the rest of your life with, potentially if that floats your boat. Singleton allows us the space to grow and reinvent ourselves from the claws of our naïve childhood and gives us the tools to circumnavigate messy interactions, sexual exploration and freedom.

Despite the fact that there is no definitive or widely accepted time limit for men, women, in contrast, due to biology and disparaging eyes “that press the time is now,” are forced to limit and adequately regulate the time spent in the land of the single being.

No matter how long you remain single, most of us, at least those who acknowledge a pending expiration date, tacitly or otherwise accept that this period might never happen again. And even if it does, how we traverse it the second, third, or tenth time around would vary regarding needs, expectations and desires.

Quite frankly, the skills we need to master a life of freedom in our early 20s are far different to the tools we need to manoeuvre singleton during later stages of life. For women especially, this can be painfully stressful. When children, bodily changes and looming ex-partners are added to the mix, remaining single can quickly become a fiasco and not of the fun kind.

How do we get it right when it comes to being single and living a meaningful, exceptional life amid failure and disappointment? We are taught that romantic relationships represent an endgame and are an accurate marker of a well-lived life. That might be true for some of us, but for others who choose to remain single or are single for reasons beyond their control, meaning must be found in other realms of life.

As taboo as remaining single still is in mainstream society, adult single men and, more so, women have increased enormously over the last ten years.

A 2022 survey by Pew Research found that 30 per cent of American adults are not involved in romantic relationships. The study also found that more than 50 per cent of singles were not actively looking for a partner, and this was especially true of older single women.

“The more you want it, the less happy you’ll be that you don’t have it,” and studies seem right on the nose with this approach. Those studies found that singles who are satisfied with singlehood tend to be more satisfied with their lives overall than singles who are unhappy with their relationship status. Unsurprisingly, those with a stronger desire to be in a relationship tend to be less happy about being single.

While there is an inter-relationship between love, age and overall life satisfaction, developing a mindset that shifts the focus from viewing singleton as something transient to simply accepting it for what it is proved for a way more satisfying life experience, especially for older singles. It’s all about finding joy in the journey, which holds firm for anyone at any age.

Single life can be a blessing once you allow it to be. Being in a healthy relationship comes with numerous perks, but so too does being single. Accepting your single status grants you the freedom to be spontaneous with your experiences and perspective. Each decision is based on your happiness and well-being; in many ways, it frees you from the shackles of stereotypes.

Your singleness allows you to build strong, deep non-romantic relationships and spend quality time with the people that matter most to you. Not only is it freeing in the physical sense but also mentally. Singlehood means spending time with yourself. And being by yourself most often translates to being alone. But is that such a bad thing?

Sitting with your thoughts, learning about your inner self and how to spot weakness is only possible when you’re alone. And singletons, by their status, have all the time in the world to get this right. Focus on learning about yourself instead of constantly looking for the next relationship. Find meaning in those moments spent alone, and in each experience, albeit sometimes difficult and lonely.

Happiness can often take root in the arms of romantic pursuits, but focusing on this principle as the rule, in many ways, allows us to sell ourselves short and might just be tantamount to a life half-lived. Yes, romantic pursuits add a certain flair to the beauty of life but, dare I say, so too do other types of relationships. And perhaps the relationship with ourselves is the one we ought to derive the most value from.