Is Trinidad and Tobago becoming lonelier?

For psychiatrist and independent senator Dr Varma Deyalsingh the simple answer is yes. There is a growing epidemic of loneliness in this country, he said in a detailed phone interview.

Multiple factors contribute to this, with crime and age being among them.

His comments come after the US Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy, declared loneliness a new public health epidemic in the US last month, in an 85-page advisory.

Deyalsingh and clinical psychologist and president-elect of the TT Association of Psychologists Kelly McFarlane spoke about the issue in Trinidad and Tobago.

Forbes.com quoted Murthy as saying, “Our epidemic of loneliness and isolation has been an underappreciated public health crisis that has harmed individual and societal health. Our relationships are a source of healing and well-being hiding in plain sight – one that can help us live healthier, more fulfilled and more productive lives.

“Given the significant health consequences of loneliness and isolation, we must prioritise building social connection the same way we have prioritised other critical public health issues such as tobacco, obesity and substance-use disorders. Together, we can build a country that’s healthier, more resilient, less lonely and more connected.”

The article said the findings showed loneliness was as bad as smoking and had profound effects on mental health, increasing the risk of heart disease, stroke and dementia.

Murthy is not the only one speaking out. In the UK, there is a campaign to end loneliness.

Campaigntoendloneliness.org used the 1981 Daniel Perlman and Letitia Anne Peplau definition of loneliness: a subjective, unwelcome feeling of lack or loss of companionship, which happens when there is a mismatch between the quantity and quality of social relationships that people have and those they want.

The site identified three different types of loneliness: emotional, social and existential loneliness.

Deyalsingh agreed with Murthy’s comment that loneliness posed as serious a risk as smoking, because it fuelled depression, and depression was a cardiovascular risk factor. Not only could it trigger heart disease, but also other morbidities, he said.

He identified two specific subsets of people experiencing loneliness in TT: elderly people, particularly women dealing with empty-nest syndrome, and people who lived largely in the virtual world.

He also identified crime and lack of money as further contributing to growing loneliness.

Deyalsingh said people needed safe, affordable spaces where they can socialise with others. Crime often forced people into self-imposed isolation, he said.

This was why the Government needed to create safe spaces, zones and opportunities for people to interact, such as tours.

The Public Transport Service Corporation (PTSC) offers Know Your Country Tours on both islands, its website says. People can visit Speyside Estate, the Pitch Lake and the Temple in the Sea among other places. The National Trust also arranges tours to places that include Nelson Island, Moruga, Lopinot and Mayaro.

Deyalsingh said people needed to pay “next to nothing” to be in a safe zone, with strangers, where they can interact.

For him, combating loneliness started from childhood. Children needed to be more involved in activities such as sport, drama, school and church activities where they interact more, he said.

Apart from teaching younger people how to socialise again, he said they also needed to learn how to deal with disappointment.

“Sports are very important too. When you lose, your team loses, everyone gets together in that comfort zone.

"Get your children involved in activities away from online.

“Even if you have a companion or a girlfriend or boyfriend and it goes bad...Life is like a chance, you have to go on and test the waters again.”

For some, disappointment led them to choose to remain single and alone.

“Somehow, they see so much of drama outside. They rather look to live this life alone and not interact much with people because of the drama they probably experienced in their lives, their parents’ lives or other people’s lives.”

He saw the growing reliance on the virtual and online world as aiding the problem of loneliness. Some people gravitated to this, as it gave them a sense of control.

But to stave off loneliness, people needed to balance the virtual and real-world experiences.

He said, under guidance, younger people needed to experience the thrill of having a date, of asking someone out.

“Let them learn from young there is going to be disappointment.”

However, some people liked being alone.

“As one gets older, some people do not care for the drama, the commess that they see outside, they don’t want to be pulled into that again. But that could be a choice they make.

“But people have to experience the real world to make a choice, to say they don’t want to experience the real world: ‘I don’t care to go out, I don’t care to get involved in a relationship again.’”

He said there was nothing wrong with someone choosing to be alone, once they were happy. Deyalsingh said someone could be home and involved in WhatsApp conversations and activities, gardening, and may not have a social network around them, but not feel stressed or depressed.

He said we were now living in a narcissistic world where people were often for themselves, when asked whether or not other people’s cruelty contributed to loneliness.

Deyalsingh said some people would use others to gain.

“You have to realise there are individuals like that out there, who may have a nice face, but waiting to use you, waiting to try and get something from you.”

People had to get to know these types of people and “burn to learn,” he said.

“Sometimes little things – like you go to a shop and a man overcharge you for a pound of fish – you are learning society.”

He said people who were hurt so much that they became cynical might be happier at home. Being truthfully happy was the important factor.

Popularising values like empathy helped build a kinder, less lonely world.

“It is teaching children the values of helping people. If you do not have a good home where you can get that value, then teachers have to step in and teach the child that.”

Getting children to help older people in their communities or helping the socially displaced were ways of teaching children to be empathetic.

When he worked at the Barataria Mental Health and Wellness Centre, schoolchildren would visit old-age homes. This allowed for the children to appreciate older people, and helped older people engage with people outside the home. This was something he thinks needs to start happening again.

“Loneliness is sort of coming like an epidemic. We are social beings, and if you find you are having individuals who are lonely, we have to try to see if we could change that, through social norms, by providing safe places, examples and opportunities for people to interact.

“Just for people to come out and interact with other people there has to be safe zones, and by doing that we will get people who are expressing greater joy, getting a purpose to live, having someone to chat with, and those happy people will spread that circle of happiness, and you will have a more happy community and society.”

McFarlane said while she could not say if a statistically high number of people in TT were experiencing loneliness, it was a problem everywhere for those who experienced it.

She said she could not say for sure, as she was not familiar with much research here confirming this.

“I know of one study that has demonstrated the problem of loneliness amongst the elderly in TT, and anecdotally, this is certainly a demographic that experiences loneliness and fears related to loneliness quite a lot due to reduced activity and the loss of loved ones to death, migration, changing responsibilities, and distance,” McFarlane said.

But loneliness could exist everywhere and among varied demographics, she said.

McFarlane said loneliness is most frequently expressed by people “who have, for one reason or another, had challenges maintaining connections with others, live an isolated life, have lost many loved ones to death or migration, or have had challenges maintaining romantic relationships. This includes the elderly, people who have come from dysfunctional families, people who have been single for a long time or people who feel misunderstood and unable to fit in.

"Both children and adults experience feelings of loneliness and isolation and this causes a great deal of distress.”

While the way people perceive the world; the people around them; lack of opportunities to develop healthy relationships; low self-confidence and self-esteem; difficulty making friends and maintain healthy relationships were factors, poor or no social support was cited as a major contributor to loneliness.

“Not feeling connected to the people who are in one’s life, perceiving that people are unsafe or untrustworthy, and not experiencing others as understanding, present or empathically involved can often lead to withdrawal, isolation and loneliness.

“Untreated mental-health challenges can also play a role in the experience of loneliness, as people who have psychological disorders such as anxiety, mood, and personality disorders often have distorted thoughts and perceptions that prevent them from having a clear and fair interpretation of their world and the people in it.

“They may avoid social interaction with the intention of keeping themselves safe, and find it difficult to form or pursue connections with others. Developmental challenges and social/environmental instability can also contribute to loneliness both in childhood and adulthood,” she said.

People could seek opportunities to meet and develop relationships with others who share common interests and values to combat loneliness, McFarlane said. Joining a volunteer organisation or class, having an activity or group of interest were suggestions she gave.

“It is also important to take opportunities to exist in social spaces as often as possible. If you work alone from home, take your ‘office’ to a public space on some days, like a cafe or park. Be sure to reach out to loved ones, even if they live far away, and engage in good self-care. Talking to at least one trusted person about how you’ve been feeling can also be helpful, and if someone has been struggling with feelings of loneliness for quite some time and it is affecting their day-to-day functioning and life satisfaction, they should also consider therapy. Therapy would help them to resolve some of the underlying beliefs, fears, experiences and behavioural patterns that may have contributed to loneliness, and guide them in getting motivated to develop healthy social connections.”

McFarlane said there were free courses and events offered by the Government, and these were spaces where people could meet and build connections with others.

It was also important for others to reach out to a friend or family member they have not heard from in a while and check in with them, she added.

“Expressing care and interest in people who may be struggling with feelings of loneliness can make a huge and important positive impact on their lives,” McFarlane said.

People experiencing loneliness can contact:

Lifeline: 800-5588/866-5433/220-3636

Childline: 800-4321

Families in Action: 628-2333

Continues tomorrow