The beauty of lighthouse parenting

Asha Pemberton

PARENTING is an approach that emphasises a strong and steady presence in a teen’s life while providing guidance and consistent support. Aptly, one can imagine a lighthouse shining a steady beacon of light to guide boats to shore, despite any waves or storms they must navigate.

Lighthouse parents are reliable, guiding and based on a solid foundation. In the parent education community, this approach is thought to be most effective for most young people to support holistic and healthy development.

To become a lighthouse parent, there must be a blend of both authoritarian and permissive parenting styles, the combination of warmth and rules.

There must be a structure, which the teen recognises as their base as well as some ability to allow creativity and opportunity for young people to take chances, learn and grow.

It is the balance between rigidity and fluidity which must be struck, all while maintaining the presence to support them through the inevitable undulations of life.

Lighthouse parents establish clear rules and boundaries for their teens and are able to communicate their expectations effectively. They prioritise emotional well-being and safety and allow opportunity for self-expression and exploration. This is all rooted in a base of structure.

During adolescence, the natural tendency for teen rebellion often leads to parental fatigue and the temptation to “give up.”

In these moments, parents even hope that youth with learn through their mistakes in a more punitive manner of suffering.

These emotions arise due to frustration, conflict and burn out. Lighthouse parents, on the contrary, recognise that there will be a push-and-pull, and rather than add to frustration provide a calm reassurance that they will remain consistent and available to support their teen.

This parenting style encourages independence and autonomy in an age and developmentally appropriate manner, which is the cornerstone of adolescent development.

Every teen is different and at this stage, more than ever, parents are discouraged from comparing their teens with others around them; friends, relatives and even siblings. It simply is to be understood that some young people at age 16 have more developed social skills or social responsibility than others.

In this way, some teens may be appropriately allowed more flexibility than others, until they are able to appropriately manage it. This does not mean shutting them down and not providing opportunities for growth, but yet expecting some challenges along the way and being available and consistent in support.

The goal of lighthouse parenting is to raise emotionally resilient, independent, and well-adjusted children. By providing a balance of structure, support, and guidance, lighthouse parents help their teens navigate life's challenges while promoting their overall growth and development.

Through their actions they let young people know that they are loved and cared for and this also means that they will be protected, corrected and guided.

The culture of every family, including parental upbringing will push parents toward or away from a particular approach. To some, allowing teens the space to express themselves may seem too lenient while to others there is a tendency beyond a certain age to leave young people to their own decisions.

Although some young people will tolerate these methods and transition safely to young adulthood, they may not achieve their fullest potential or develop the depth of well-being that they can. Lighthouse parenting has been demonstrated to be effective in striking that balance for emerging young adults and it is never too late to tweak your parenting style to most appropriately support your teen.