Small acts of transgression

Both in and out of home, I am afflicted by the noise of others: the many sounds of traffic, leaf blowers, the fact that someone always seems to be using a very powerful drill in my area, shrieking children and birds.

Oh sweet lord, birds. Bird noise (I hear it’s called “bird song” by some) is a constant in my world. The birds in my yard – and far too often in my house – scream. They scream always. It is terrible.

The man with whom I share my home believes I am a dogged follower of rules and, somehow, at the same time, an absurd breaker of rules. (More on the absurdity anon.) This is not unfair. We are all full of contradictions. To be otherwise would mean we are essentially toasters and have only one thing on our minds.

So, yes, I am both. I follow rules set by my idea of fair play, promises made and siblings. If my family tells me we have a rule about setting our hair on fire every other Tuesday, I’d do it. No questions asked.

But then there is that other me. The one who cannot abide much by way of noise; and this is where I can begin to look at what I have come to believe is both a joy and a necessity – the need to break the rules sometimes.

Some rules are written and may be called laws. Some are unwritten but your compliance is expected.

Both kinds contain a sub-genre of just plain stupidness.

To counteract the frustration of abiding by rules that make no sense, I break them in a variety of small, harmless and usually ridiculous ways. And I have a feeling you might do as well.

My small act of transgression these days: I play music in my handbag. My idea is not to offend anyone else, but to claim a small space for myself. I do not use headphones, because that would mean I accept that I must be cut off from my surroundings. My handbag releases a soft song that reaches almost only me and creates mild confusion in those nearby.

In malls, shops, and while waiting to speak to someone from any call centre, I am forced to bear with their choice of music or ad-speak. I’m not hurting anyone if I can make a small pillow of sound around me.

As you see, what I’m proposing is hardly civil unrest.

I used to like to slip into abandoned lighthouses. It seems there has been global recognition of this and now, the world over, I find these places roped off and padlocked. How did they find out about me? Could I have hurt anyone but myself?

A friend of mine pilfers plants. She doesn’t go into garden stores and hide tiny pots of anthuriums under her shirt or anything like that. But if she finds herself in proximity to some nice ground-cover foliage in a park or on a friendly pavement, out comes the Swiss Army knife and into her bag goes a small cutting, just enough to plant at her home.

Of course, she can go out and buy it. But I believe the pull of the tiny thrill wins every time. Sometimes, not all the time, not as a way of life (at least not for everyone), a little bit of rebellion goes a long way. A release. Hemmed in as we are by so many restrictions that make so little sense.

Again, I swear I’m not suggesting all out anarchy, but we are so schooled in rule-following that we accept rules that are neither fair nor necessarily legal.

People selling us things frequently post signs telling us there will be no refunds or exchanges. This is not what the law seems to think. Who told the shops to think this? And to make us not only believe it, but live by it?

Do not go out and steal things from retailers with these signs in their windows. But ask questions, and learn about your rights.

In other words, don’t believe everything you read and don’t go along blindly when something strikes you as unreasonable or unfair.

I wonder, in places where people really understand their laws and rights, do they feel this need to cross an invisible, unexplained line? Or will we always want to push against some small thing, just to prove we have a will of our own?

Guidelines for small transgressive acts: break no real laws, do no harm to others, do nothing you’ll regret. Lagniappe: you can do good while being transgressive.

Remember to talk to your doctor or therapist if you want to know more about what you read here. In many cases, there’s no single solution or diagnosis to a mental health concern. Many people suffer from more than one condition.