Love and relationships in adolescence

Dr Asha Pemberton-Gaskin

teenhealth.tt@gmail.com

Earlier this week Valentine’s Day was celebrated. For parents of tweens and teens, the topics of sexuality, relationships and dating are met with angst and trepidation. Young people in general crave privacy regarding matters of their emerging sexuality and close peer relationships. Parents should still recognise that although uncomfortable, communication and guidance regarding sexual health and safety is perhaps one of the most important parenting responsibilities. For too many adults allow their discomfort to lead to complete avoidance of this critical topic. Keeping their connections a secret often leads to higher-risk behaviours by teens, usually with unfortunate consequences.

The provision of age-appropriate information to young people as they develop, helps them to understand their bodies, improves a positive self-concept and reinforces the confidence to make good decisions in this regard. As they develop, young people will enter into friendships of varying significance to them, all while they grapple with emerging sexuality.

The ability to differentiate types of relationships takes time, experience and guidance. Without the trusted counsel from adults, tween and teens will turn to peers or media often with sub-optimal outcomes. In addition, as adults we recognise that many teen relationships do not have happy endings. This too is a part of the human experience that does require support. While often dismissed by parents, significant hurt, disappointment and even trauma can arise from ended teen relationships. Sometimes these effects are taken forward into adulthood.

During adolescence the behaviour of parents in their interactions, heavily influences the patterns of teen relationships. Young people exposed to intimate partner violence or emotional abuse frequently repeat these patterns in their own lives. Teenagers are very tuned-in to double standards, so it is important that parents model the positive behaviour they wish to see in their teens.

It is recommended that healthy communication, conflict resolution and mutual respect be particularly highlighted for young people to see. In addition, parents must be mindful of quality of communication and treatment that they tolerate from their partners as this sets the foundation of what young people seek in their own lives.

Sexual health encompasses many principles that include responsible sexual behaviour, sexuality, gender identity, safety, pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Sadly, many myths and pieces of misinformation about all of these concepts still exist and are widely circulated online and in teen peer groups.

The best buffer to misinformation, is accurate information presented consistently and repeatedly by trusted adults. Ideally their parents. Young people who receive appropriate and factual sexual education at home are actually less likely to engage in risky sexual behaviour. This information, when grounded in morality and spirituality, is extremely impactful.

Sex education is a continuing process. It is recommended that from childhood, parents find teachable moments and opportunities to introduce simple concepts. As young people grow and are exposed to the wider world, parents must keep up with the trends and patterns in youth culture, to ensure that youth are equipped with the knowledge to act in their own best interests.