When your teen needs professional support

Dr Asha Pemberton

teenhealth.tt@gmail.com

Among the most challenging moments of parenting are those when they realise that love, support and time are not sufficient. Particularly in settings where stigma remains a deterrent, it is difficult for parents to accept and move forward on accessing professional help for their teens. In addition to managing their own emotions, parents are required to approach their teens and then take their concerns out of their homes, which in itself can be daunting.

Remembering your “why”

The goal of parenting is to produce a healthy, balanced young adult, equipped to find their place in the world and reach their highest potential. This process is not without challenge. When parents recognise that an ongoing behavioural or mental health concern requires specialist care, there are often feelings of shame and inadequacy in their own parenting skills. They may worry that going for help confirms that they are “weak” or a “bad parent.” Addressing these negative thoughts is perhaps the most important first step in this process. When parents are unsure or ambivalent about securing support, the entire process is often compromised. If needed, seek support for yourself, to talk through your feelings and get the validation that concerns in teens are not a complete reflection of parenting; nor are they final labels which follow the young people for the rest of their lives. When parent have mixed feelings about this step, they should resolve them before proceeding. Adolescents easily identify discord and are then less likely to buy in to the process.

Approaching the teen

Young people generally will question their worth during challenging times. The impact of societal stigma affects them also, leaving some to consider themselves a “failure” or “crazy.” We have much to do to continue to dispel these ideas. For that reason, it is critical that your communications about help-seeking are rooted in an approach that highlights strengths. The approach should be grounded in reaffirming to their teens that the experiences they are having can be addressed successfully toward overall improvement. Avoid making promises or assuring time-lines that are out of your control. Instead assure them that many young people and adult, at some point in their lives require the additional guidance or healthcare approaches from professionals and that this can be a life-altering experience in the long run.

Provide simple but factual information

As a parent, it is important to avail yourself of educational material pertaining to your teen’s condition and treatment approaches. Nevertheless, it is important to be mindful of the sources of information, to ensure that you correctly understand the content and that is it up to date. A few significant points remain consistent throughout and should be shared with young people.

Health and mental health services are respectful and confidential. There should be no fear that professionals share personal details with others and young people should be reassured of this.

Seeking support is not a sign of failure. Through the many trials of life, including grief, loss, trauma and disappointment we as people all respond differently. If a particular situation proves overwhelming for one person, they ought to seek what they need to return to restoration. This is not at area for comparison to others.

Families need support. The idea of “sending a teen for help” without full family engagement and participation is erroneous. Families exist in mini-communities of their own. The actions of each member influences the other. When one sibling is experiencing a crisis, there is knock-on effect to other siblings and parents. With this in mind, discussions surrounding support should be had with everyone, so that there is complete understanding empathy and compassion.

Processes take time. This is perhaps the most significant concept to be understood. Many concerns in young people develop over time. Yet parents often want a solution and resolution immediately. This only leads to frustration and worsening of dynamics. Professionals will guide you as to projected or expected outcomes, but overall, parents and teens are required to engage the process, trust their providers and take the time and interventions suggested toward overall improvement.