Self-care for parents

Dr Asha Pemberton

teenhealth.tt@gmail.com

Due to the many things they are required to do on a daily basis, parents often put their teen’s needs ahead of their own. Although this may seem to be the expected and even obvious thing to do, when parents continuously do so, they run the risk of ultimately doing their young people a disservice. It is being demonstrated that parents you instead practice self-care and model ways in which the healthily engage in pleasurable pursuits raise more resilient and life-satisfied young people. It is important to exposure young people to the deliberate acts of self-care, self-management and intentionality.

Be strategic

Stress management is at the foundation of positive parenting. As adults, we are required to understand the triggers and stressors in our lives and create ways to manage them, while fulfilling the many roles we fill. Parents who are over-stressed and succumb to overwhelm are more likely to act irrationally with their teens, show poor health behaviours, misuse drugs or alcohol and demonstrate all of these negative behaviours to their teens. Young people in turn, are then more likely to emulate these in their own times of stress. To prevent this, parents should take time daily, to assess their stress levels, and take time to intentionally engage in activities which allow their restoration and relaxations. It is not selfish to spend time alone, to exercise, to chat with friends or to pursue a hobby. Our over-stimulated world sometimes leads us to believe that self-care is the domain of fancy retreat vacations or spas. This is incorrect. Any activity which is enjoyable, leisurely or engages passions is a part of self-care and leads to improved overall life satisfaction. Happier parents raise happier teens and this all starts with parental self-care.

Parents do not have to be martyrs

Modern parenting has been sullied by this false need to prove an excessively busy life including over-attention and helicoptering of young people. It is almost as if parents feel the need to demonstrate their parenting by being overly involved in every facet of their teen’s life while still engaging in every single activity possible. This is simply not sustainable. Parenting teenagers involves a balance of supervision and support, while allowing them to live and learn through their own experiences. While parents need to take time to communicate, talk with and get to know their teens, these cannot be at the expense of their very mental well-being. Parenthood is not martyrdom. Young people more fully respect and engage with parents whom they observe to have their own lives and pursuits. Particularly in adolescence, young people learn through the lived examples that they see.

When their parents are happy, teenagers are happy

Teenagers are keenly astute to the impact exhaustion, tension, and fatigue has on their parents. When interviewed, many young people openly state that they wish their parents were happier and took time for themselves. While parents do not often get this bird eye’s view into teen thinking, it has been demonstrated that teenagers are happier when their parents are truly happy. With this in mind, consider the ways in which as parents you can engage in small but sustainable acts of self-care during this year. Not only will there be immediate benefit to your mental health, but the absolute trickle-down effect to happier, more resilient and productive teenagers.