The holiday blues

Yuletide cheer, joy, family, endless merriment, food, and presents…these are all words we would commonly associate with the festive season that is Christmas.

Here in Trinidad and Tobago, we have a really unique and particularly joy-filled way of celebrating the season. With parang music, A LOT of food, and family visits going from house to house eating, singing and generally just sharing in the merriment.

Even within the realm of social media, we see consistent posts of, “the holiday season,” where everyone is all smiles and perfectly happy, while simultaneously engaged in a “who can outdo whom,” tournament for the title of the best host, chef, and present giver.

Even many local influencers share information on where to buy all your holiday presents, the latest must-have brands and much judgement being passed if you dare take “cost-effective,” alternatives/substitutes in your traditional foods such as pastelles, ponche de crème and sorrel. No one wants corn beef in pastelles apparently.

As a practitioner, however, I can’t help but consider the many that experience major emotional fallout associated with the holiday time.

From loneliness to grief, anxiety, depression, burnout, stress, holiday blues and the list goes on.

This is not to suggest that we must all walk around in a sombre state and not express our excitement on what is labelled as the “happiest time of the year…” but what we can collectively do is also be more mindful in the way we go about interacting with one another.

One person’s experience of Christmas is certainly not equal to someone else’s. There are many families that will go without, many individuals who may spend Christmas alone and many who may experience immense grief and mourning for loved ones.

According to the American Psychological Association, 38 per cent of people surveyed said their stress increased during the holiday season, which can lead to physical illness, depression, anxiety, and substance misuse. The reasons given included a lack of time, financial pressure, gift-giving, and family gatherings (McLean, 2022).

So, what are some of the ways we can be more emotionally intelligent over the holiday season? Here are five simple tips:

1) Actively listen- Over the course of the festive season we tend to socialise a lot more than usual, meeting new friends and reminiscing with old ones. We can certainly get carried away in catching people up with our lives and highlighting all the great things (as if it’s some twisted competition of whose life is better) before asking, “so how are you?” This year, why not practice some active listening and engage the other person? It may be that someone hasn’t taken the time to ask how they are, and you’ve brightened their day by simply providing a space for them to chat.

2) Try to practise being non-judgmental- and by extension encourage your children to do the same. It can be easy for us to get carried away listing out all the things we got for Christmas or all the food that was laid so nicely on the table but it’s incredibly important to be mindful that what one household or family may be able to afford is not equal to that of another. So if the neighbour brings over a dish or a gift, it’s not about what it is but more about the effort put into the act and what it might have taken to be able to do that. They may have worked an extra shift to be able to buy the present or cut back on certain things to be able to share in the Christmas food. And I say encourage your children to do the same so that when they go to school and begin sharing their stories it’s not a comparison of, “I got a PS5 and you only got a T-shirt.” The conversations become more meaningful and they in turn understand that the spirit of Christmas is the act of kindness.

3) Show empathy- Should you effectively practise the aforementioned tips it is likely that individuals may open up to you or feel comfortable to disclose that they may be experiencing emotional difficulty over the holiday season. Should this happen please don’t suggest they, “cheer up,” or indicate that “they’re just not in the Christmas spirit yet.” There are many people who are unable to cope during the holidays for a number of reasons and that’s ok…no one should be forced into happiness or pretend things are fine until Christmas is over. If you know someone is grieving, lonely or finding it hard, simply reminding them that you’re there is enough.

If you don’t mind going a step further you can ask if there’s anything you can do to help them through it or extend an invitation to spend some time if they feel up to it. Placing pressure on someone who is struggling is not going to lighten their burden.

It is with these three simple tips that you can truly make a difference to someone’s Christmas this year.

I wish all the readers out there a very Merry Christmas!